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Bad Deal
by
Walter Jones
(Age: 62)
copyright 06-02-2003
Age Rating: 18 to 127
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Authors note: I know this a poem, but it felt more like a story to me. So...I posted it here....
Walt
Stormy, stormy night,
wind and hail,
candlelight,
burns holes inside my soul.
Laughing in the wind,
what is the mood that
you are in,
taking all their gold.
Stormy, stormy night,
fishing for,
what I think is right.
Children bought and sold.
Bone chilling grin,
it's your fault,
they win,
eating only mold (cheese).
Stormy, stormy night,
wish I could forget
the fight;
cards are bad, I fold.
If you knew the tale,
would you share
in the sale?
How could you be so bold?
Stormy, stormy night,
the noose fits
way too tight;
cards are pat, I hold.
Within the time left,
I your sorrow,
will address.
God, I am cold.
Stormy, stormy night,
bills counted out the
numbers checked out right,
my last smoke is rolled.
Rope loosened this time.
Life goes on,
I am just fine.
Who knows I may even get old!
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Comments on this Article/Poem:
Click on the commenter's name to see their Author's Page
09-30-2007 Sam Hackel-Butt
Hi Walt :)
This may sound weird, but while reading this, I imagined men playing cards on a boat, while a storm raged outside. I'm not sure why that image popped into my head, but it did, and I can't shake it. I like it, though.
I also like the seemingly 'randomness' of the poem, punctuation and capitalization wise. Not sure if it were intentional or not, but I think it adds to the uncertainty of a storm, and even of playing cards. A kind of luck is there for both.
I really liked this piece. I've always liked poetic-prose and try to write that way when I choose to write poetry.
Thank you, Walt.
-Sam
Of the CC
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09-28-2007 Frank Fields
So we have a poetic piece of prose writing or a prose piece of poetic writing. Either way, the tale you tell is a bit more chilling and sad than that of a card game. But my "salty pen" is out today and hungry to be heard and wants to be fed. It is thinking that every line of every stanza should have the end punctuation removed. Except for the period at the end and the one that ends in a question mark. It is also thinking that the capitals aren't consistent. Children, yes. God, yes. The other lines might be better served by staying in lower case. In-line punctuation my pen can't find fault with or be picky about.
This is a very dark poem with a very dark subject and handled as a master would: allowing the reader to find what he/she wishes. The images are very powerful. The textures, excellent. No one should open themselves up to this poem, too much, I think. They may find their souls in danger. Or at the least, shed a tear or three.
Forgive the length of this critique, my pen won't be obedient at all, today.
This is powerful stuff, Walt.
Frank :)
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08-12-2003 Betty Eskdale
If you (k)new? Very interesting thoughts and variations on the luck of the draw.
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07-06-2003 Gregory Christiano
There's nothing like having a harrowing card game on a stormy night. Nice work here Walt.
Gregory
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