The return of Queen Beral
The New Fortress
by
Toni Sweeney
(Age: 21)
copyright 07-11-2003
Age Rating: 10 to 127
" Are you guys ok?" asked Sailor Moon. "Yes," The scouts said. "Mercury can you use your scanner to see where Queen Beryl went. While I contact Luna and Artemis to tell them the news." Sailor Moon said. "Sure" Sailor Mercury said. While Mercury scanned for Beryl Sailor Moon called Luna and Artemis and Rini who were at home. When they heard what had happened they came down to where the scouts were. The scouts told them what had happened and they told Rini who Queen Beryal is. "I've got her," Mercury said. "Where are she," Sailor Moon asked. "She is in the same location as last time." Mercury said. "Then lets go." Sailor Moon detransformation. You ready to transform Rini." Sailor Moon said. "Yes" Rini said. "MOON COSMIC STAR POWER" Rini and Serena yelled. When they got done transforming everybody except Luna and Artemis got in a big circle to transport to the fortress. They all combined there powers and transported to the cave where they were suppose to fight Beryl again. Instead of they cave they had to walk to the valcano again in the snow.
Back at the fortress- "Malachite, find a place where we can move to. The sailor snoops are already on their way." Queen Beryl said. "Yes my queen" Malachite said. Hurry, I am going to send a monster to slow them down. When they get hear they will be suprised that I am not hear." Queen Beryl said. "Why not kill them now?" Malachite said. "Because we do not know how much stronger they are now it has been five years and they could be stronger. We need to see how powerful they are. We also need energy so we can defeat them. When I fought the Princess I used all of the energy. Plus I am very week." Beryl said. "I found a place in the desert." Malachite said. "Transport all of the monsters there. Leave five to deal with Sailor snoops." Beryl said. "yes my Queen" Malachite said. Then the queen transported to her new fortress in the desert. Beryl was not happy with were it was but it was the only place they could find.
The End
Read the next chapter to find out what the scouts will do. Will one of them die. To find out read the next chapter.
To be continued......
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
Not a bad concept, but there are a few improvements that can be made. Punctuation, spelling, and grammar need revision. Like Leigh said, the length is a bit too modest for the buildup to an action sequence. It gives the effect of shutting things down before enough drama is generated to entice the reader. As for what you did well: the concept of Queen Beryl's return, the use of her original lieutenants, and the ever-useful Sailor Mercury (who happens to be my second-favorite). Improve on what needs to be improved and this has potential...