Gracie Fields took her harp to a party
Nobody asked her to play
I lugged my leg to the medics
Who told me to take it away

Rheumatology twisted, pushed it and pulled
Dismissed it ~ they were utterly fooled
Then the Neurology Department at Ipswich
Used electrical impulses ~ makes the nerves twitch
Then shoved all of me into a tube
"Keep your clothes on ~ don't have to be nude!"
I lay still in the capsule for over an hour
Disoriented, legless (no power)
Told me they could operate on both of my wrists
But no news of The Leg, which seemed a cruel twist

Said my G.P. "This result seems irrational"
Arranged quick second opinion at The National
My consultant was a top professor
Revered and knowledgeable nerve assessor
Eyelids hung with gold electrodes washed away by tears
Muscles pierced by electric needles added to my fears
Four hours was the total of these dreadful tests
Too exhausted to enjoy daughter's visit ~
Yearned to catch up on my rests
And what was the result of all this action?
I'll tell you ~ TOTAL DISSATISFACTION!

"Neurologically, your leg's OK
Nice meeting you, but please take it away
You're deaf in one ear, the one on the left
Wrist ops can't wait too long, you're not very deft
By the way, there's also a bladder infection!"
Once again, The Leg met with total rejection
Could be the problem's related to M.E.
Perhaps raw fruit and veg, must test for Food Allergy
Goodbye caffeine, no more cuppas
No more fish n' chips for suppers
Give up products using flour
I'll soon be slimmer by the hour

But you'll still recognise me by my Cheshire Cat's grin
That stays the same whether I'm fat or thin!