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The Wish
Hotel
by Caitlin M. (Age: 16)
copyright 08-29-2003


Age Rating: 10 to 127

  The Wish
Picture Credits:

I said,"Hotel, boring and lame."
Delanie looked on the bottom of her socks. She took them off and said,"Look, there is dirt on the bottom. Look at all of it. When, does this maid cleanup?"
Benji stared out the window. Joel went to the clicker and put on the telivision.
Joel joyed,"Ah, good old t.v."
Delanie went behind Benji and said,"Ben Ben what's wrong?"
Benji said,"Nothing, but don't call me Ben Ben."
Delanie nodded and walked away.
"The beach, so peaceful. Waves coming families so happy."Benji thought.
I ran to Paul and said,"Whatcha doin?"
Paul answered,"Go, follow Billy."
I replied,"He's in the bathroom."
Benji ran to the bathroom.
Delanie yelled,'BENJI!"
Joel shutoff the telvison. He lied on the comforable bed. Green, with orange designs going around sheets. White, plain pillow on his head. Green, dirty floor on Paul's bare feet. Nice, wooden chair to sit on. elbows on the wooden table near. Sad look drawn on his face. Chris walked around the room making noises. Creeks, everywhere he stepped. Annoying little sounds from his feet. He layed on the green, a bit itchy couch. Whille in the bathroom where Benji and Billy.
Billy said,"We'll have to probaly stay in here forever."
I opened the door and said,"Billy, Benji you didn't need to go to the bathrom. Well, Joel said we should go the beach."
"Nice time together, enjoyable day" thought Benji.
Benji got up and said,"Sure, that's a good idea."




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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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04-25-2006 Leigh G.    

This was rather...confusing. You did some descriptions, but you need to work on character development and story structure. Alone with sentence structure... The spelling and grammar aren't too bad, but you need to add a few things. Is Benji a dog lick on those commercials that you see when you are waiting for anime to come on? Or is Benji a human? I'd say human, but I though I'd ask...Not too bad, keep writing...

Leigh of the Commenting Crusaders


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