Torn apart(true story)
by
Paul Kangas
(Age: 18)
copyright 11-04-2003
Age Rating: 7 to 127
I looked at a girls house. I walked closer and closer to her door. I knocked on her door. She answered. Her name was Alex. I looked at her and we became great friends in the year of 2000. We always got along well. I went out with her a couple of times. I never got tired of hanging out with her. She was like a sister to me. She was always there for me good times and bad...and I was always there for her. Alex always had this weird but beautiful smell. I loved her hair. she is the most beautiful girl on the face of the earth. One day a couple of months ago alex decides to hang out with my X girl friend Nikki(I hate her), my other X girl friend Cami(I hate her), and Sara(she is ok). They some how got Alex to turn against me. I mean just like that Alex decides to not be my friend anymore. I mean dont u know how it feels to wake up every morning knowing that one of the people who you love to death isn't your friend anymore. I go through so much pain. I look at her every single day at school. i like the way she smiles. I like the way she laughs. I like her jokes. I miss her so much. I would do anything to be her friend again. Deep down I think some were in her she still likes me. Or at least I hope there is some place for me in her life. When she decided not to be my friend anymore I felt like apart of me was gone. I miss her so much. I would do anything for her. She is truely my paradise. All I need is Alex. I am INLOVE WITH HER. She is the one for me...we had such a special bond. Maybe just maybe she might become my friend again. She is my soul mate. She is all I think about. What should I do? Alexandra Kelton is my soul mate...I love her so much...I just hope deep down she feels the same way...
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
Sorry, I didn't give you praise-points because that I thought that some-one else did!
So here you go!
Fix up the mistakes and then e-mail me and I'll give you 5 praise points.
You should have confronted her before it was too late!
Now you lost her!
AAAHHH!!!
Anyway, great write, but reread it, has a couple mushed-together words.
LOL Andrea! That's cool.
I agree completely with Andrea. Add a bit of dialogue, and splitting up the different sections of the story would be good. The sentences also are a bit choppy, but that isn't hard to fix, ^_^ Nothing a bit more description can't fix, ^^
Good job on the emotions expressed! Your story is very believable, which is a very good thing.
Good work, and keep writing!