Under the Wrecking Ball
by
Debra Rose
(Age: 21)
copyright 08-04-2005
Age Rating: 1 to 127
With the shadows gazing regularly
through our tear-mist eyes,
We cast our sorrows down and wept
through rotting, sordid skies,
And thunder-crashes rang above
our heads and through our fears,
We drank our nostrums, watched our potions,
stagnate through the years.
And as we stand in line and watch
the truck come down the hall,
We soon realize there's no running
From the Wrecking Ball.
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*shudder* I have never seen a wrecking ball in action, and I hope I never will have to.
I like the metaphor, but just not the part where it seems like humans are being crushed under a wrecking ball. I mean, I know it's an emotional sort of wrecking ball, but it's just not a very pleasant mental image, you know?
Oh what am I talking about? This is a good poem. I liked the flow of it, and how you choose what seemed a small part of the poem as the title to give that part a new depth. I've tried doing that before (not on PnP, YET). I don't think they were really that great. Good poem anyhow!
Some of the verbs clash, because some are in past tense and some are in present tense. Maybe, "stagnate," should be, "stagnant." But I must say that I'm captivated by this poem! I like the rolling effect of its flow and the metaphor of the wrecking ball. The imagery clear and vivid. I think it is well conceived and the ending brings the whole poem together! One of your best by far, Debra! I have not forgotten you!
Welcome !
