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Dead Inside
by Debra Rose (Age: 21)
copyright 11-12-2003


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
I'm so tired of hearing my own voice,
That I just want to stop speaking,
But the animatronics won't shut off,
And my jaw keeps moving,
And the noise that emmerges is so programmed,
I don't even have to pay attention anymore.
I'm lost somewhere in the bubble in my head,
With a voice of a person that has no body.
When they hurt me, he keeps me safe from them,
Like a guardian angel, a big brother,
The only one who I know will never leave.

The pills have become my obsessive need,
Wellbutrin, Depakote, Zolofte, Trazadome,
The list goes on.
The ones who said they'd always be there left,
So the chemicals have been my safe net.
The only thing left to catch me as I fall.

I guess I've seen this coming for a while,
The slow decay of my inner self since I was a kid,
But I never expected I'd decline this fast,
From a girl so filled with hope,
Like the last hit before the death from cancer.
That last burst of light,
Before you die.
And I can't feel what else is in me,
For my will to fight seems to have gone,
My own self-pity is something grossly real,
And I'm so fed up with myself I want to scream.
I hate myself, who I've become,
But why can't I hate them?
They left.
Not me.

I hate myself because inside, I'm dead,
But I can't help but realize,
No matter who left,
This is just my fault.


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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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11-24-2003 Delaney Lindley    

Pretty and amazing. That's so sad because it's so real.
11-14-2003 Jason Fountain    

Debra, this was powerful... I can relate to what ou are feeling... Actually it is scary how much I did relate with what you are expressing. Keep writing and you will never be completely dead inside....
11-12-2003 Toni Sweeney    

Wonderful poem. But it was so depressing.
Toni S.
Visitor Reads: 709
Total Reads: 742
Comments: 3

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