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Many people have been meandering aimlessly through this school, lacking in a religion, so as I have been speaking with my friend Alyse, we have decided to create our own religion.
This religion, my friends, will be called...TURBANISM. In this religion, you will be taken to a small place in the Rainforest of South America, where you will be placed into small, occultic like settings, completely devoid of clothing! For we Turbanismerz have some main basic beliefs:
1. Being Naked in the Rainforst (sans our turbans)
2. Eating Berries
3. Heeding the rules of the Turbanism and avoiding it's SEVEN DEADLY SINS
4. Taking naps
5. ALL OTHER RELIGIONS ARE BAD!! KILL THEM ALL!
6. Hosting religious wars on the local trees
7. Awaiting comet Julio, and when Julio comes, we shall drink Absinthe, Hemlock, and Cherry Pepsi, and join our god, TURBANMAN JULIO to help destroy the rest of the world his ACIDIC SWEAT STAINS!!!!!
8. Drugs are good.
9. Robbing random passerbyers of their money (Hey, we gotta have money to buy the shoelaces... *see sins*)
10. Kidnapping Johnny Depp and forcing him to join our religion so we can see him naked!!!!
11. Heh...same goes for some Playboy models
Now while this sounds like such a wonderful thing to be a part of, you must remember that all religions have it's sins, and so do we. But we are much stricter on those who do these sins.
If you are caught doing any of these, you must hang yourself with blue shoelaces with ducky imprints on them!!!
1. Wearing clothing and no turban
2. Not liking Cookies
3. Being white but having an afro
4. Liking Britney Spears, and not because you want bone her
5. Disliking Johnny Depp in any way, shape, or form
6. Not enjoying yaoi or yuri
7. Not having sex at least once a week until your fourty (cuz then it kinda gets icky...doesn't the libido die down around then?)
Those are the seven deadly sins for now. So if you wish to join my religion, send me an email, and I will send you a pamphlet and we will schedule a time to send you to our tribe in South America. So Join Turbanism today!
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