Dark Tears and no Hope
by
Cortney Jaruzel
(Age: 18)
copyright 12-03-2003
Age Rating: 1 to 127
Deep dark secrets I can not hide
My thoughts wont let me, I have desperately tried.
Why do I bother? Why do I try?
In a black hole of great dispare...
If I died I would not care.
Deeper, deeper into abyss...
Not looking back forever a mist.
Dark tears forever falling
The world is better without my calling
Spiraling down, down and down
Looking within, does it ever stop?
Unbearable pain..my soul has dropped
I failed my spirit..it cant go on
Not even another day, theres no hope, I am done.
Deep dark secrets I can not hide
My thoughts wont let me, I have desperately tried.
Why do I bother? Why do I try?
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I liked the mood of this very dark poem! I've felt this feeling- that it would be easier not to go on and wondering why i try so hard- i think we all feel that at one point in our lives. You had great rhymes and i liked the repetition of the first stanza. You express emotions beautifully. i would add a comma after died in the second line of the second stanza. and you should add some more punctuation. But nevertheless, great job!
Very dark! It flows well, and the concept is very dark! There are a few grammar errors, but nothing big. It's creative and dark. I like the concept and it's a very nice poem! And I love darkness. :)It's very dark, and original. I like the way you write too!
this is a really good poem loads of people wonder the same just stick it through many people are doing it...ur never alone...or the only one!!! just so you know...!
Keep writing
Emy
This is a very deep and heart felt poem. So sad and pain that's agonizing. There is hope you just have to stick through and fight and you will grow stronger and you then will be strong enough to lift your eye's from the dark below to see the shining hope above. Stick around there girl and keep writing. It really helps.