An angel's tears
by
Regina S.
copyright 12-07-2003
Age Rating: 10 to 127
Do your eyes not bleed with salty tears of fire
when dark clouds form to hide the light blue sky?
Do you dare to question your true desire?
For when your smile fades, does not your spirit die?
Come play my child, with these wondrous seasons
for quickly they do come and disappear.
Ignore the worlds heartless sins and treasons,
they should never touch your fragile ear.
Dance with the wind-blown silky petals,
they always seem to soothe your soul somehow.
Soon the wind will stop and they will settle,
but you should not worry about that now.
The world's only hope hides within your eyes,
don't cloud your innocence with your saddened cries.
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This is really pretty. It kinda gives me a vision and feeling on a black and white day, with leaves everywhere. Like in a park. My old park I used to live by. It was.. a quiet.. and great.. feeling. The wind whispered in my ears, while I stood on the slowly moving miricle round thing... and watched the swings move back an forth from the wind. Seeing the cold beautiful lake out of the corner of my eye. I miss the old days.....
Very well expressed in an eloquent, smooth language. You are truly gifted, and like Moses points out, you are destined to become a poet in high esteem. Highest ratings!
Regina,
This poem has a nice dreamy feel. Takes the reader to that place of innocence.
A few suggestions. You have good rhythm, but it's sometimes cluttered.
EX: 3rd stanza, 2nd line. Maybe ..."they somehow seem to soothe your soul."
And the last line-the word your is repetitious.
Maybe ..."don't cloud your innocence with saddened cries."
Also worlds should be "world's"-possessive.
I like the poem, you have a good command of words. Hope you don't mind the suggestions. Like to know what you think.
Keep dreaming!! joan
Perfect, Regina - a marvelous work of art. I gave you the highest rating - and I'm very stingy in giving those out, but yours is very deserving. You are becoming such a gifted writer. I expect you to become the "poet laureate" at age 20! I would truly encourage you to apply for admission to one of our nations finer writing schools when you finish high school. You have the natural talent.
Welcome !
