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On Line
David Ferreira
Plam Pluk
Debra Rose
3 Writers

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3 Members
25 Guests

What do u see when u look at me?
by Paul Kangas (Age: 18)
copyright 12-21-2003


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
Love has torn us apart,
but love has kept us together,
What happened?
Was the choice we made right?
Don't you still have that feeling?
Didn't you feel what I felt.
Don't you get it?
You must be blind to see the truth,
that I am still in love with you.
As long as I shall live I'll hope you did find true love.
Shattering souls have broken into two all around me all through the years.
I refuse to love again as long as I shall live.
Look at me? tell me what do you see? A broken heart, A shattered soul, Tears of pain, sadness within my eyes?
Wings that once flew high-broken now I die...


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04-23-2006 Leigh G.    

*restrains self from posting a fixed poem* The grammar really needs to be fixed. You need to capitalize the first letter of each word in the title, "I" is always capitalized, and it's you not u. The core of the poem itself is good, just held back by grammar that needs to be fixed. Keep writing, you'll improve.

May the divine darkness be with you,
Leigh of the Commenting Crusaders
Visitor Reads: 418
Total Reads: 431
Comments: 1

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