Crystal's Recieved Gift
by
Caitlin M.
(Age: 16)
copyright 01-07-2004
Age Rating: 7 to 127
Picture Credits:
School had been over and a girl had been home. She was laying down in her bed listening to her favorite CD. Her name was Amy Larson, she was friends with hardly anyone. Though, she had a boyfriend that would be there in a flash. Amy picked the CD and sighed,"Man, I wish one day. I could be as good as Linkin Park."
Her boyfriend arrived with a necklace. Jamie's hair is blonde, he usually wear t-shirt of different colors. Along with some jeans, he was your normal guy. It had a pink, shining crystal on the necklace. Crystal hugged Jamie and tryed it on. Jamie's cellphone ringed. He picked it up,"Hello? I'll be there soon boss." He hung up and kissed Crystal,"Sorry I have to go to work now."
He ran outside and took off on his motorcycle. She smiled and noticed the time. Amy pressed the power button on the stereo. It shut off and she went in her bed. Amy looked down at the crystal. She smiled,"If I were as good as Linkin Park.....that'd be the day."
Amy's beautiful green eyes closed and she had began to sleep. As the night went by her crystal seemed to glow every second.Then it became so bright her walls looked pink instead of blue. And it had the walla had been blue again at 9 AM.
It was Saturday her alarm clock rang. It was 11 o' clock. Amy shut off her alarm clock and got dressed. Her attire was tan pants with a black t-shirt. Amy brushed her red hair. Flipped her hair up and she was good to go. Then, Amy had a regular bowl of cereal. When she had been done brushing her teeth. A ring was at the door, Amy opened the door and saw a man. He had a red mohawk, was wearing a tye die t-shirt. With baggy pants. The man smiled,"Amy Larson, I am Travis Roberts. Now let's go and make your first CD!"
Amy jumped,"FIRST CD!!!!!!"
Travis said sacastically,"No it's your last cd."
He allowed her in his car and they were off to the recording studio.
AMY'S THOUGHTS IN THE CAR: Wow how did this all happen? I didn't pray to God to be a celebrity. It's just weird how this all happened. It happened after I took a nap. There was nothing different about me. Wait, the crystal Jamie gave me! That's it I recieved a gift and got what I wanted. So what I had no friends except for a boyfriend. I WAS GONNA BE FAMOUS!
They were at the recording studio. It was called The First Step. (I just made up a cool name) Travis said,"Were here." Amy jumped out with excitement. They both were walking down the hallway?
"So, am I gonna be as pretty as Britney Spears?" she smiled
"No." Travis replied.
"Will my voice be as great as Amy Lee?"(Evanesence)
"No."
"How about........."
Travis cut her off,"OKAY YOUR MAKING YOUR FIRST CD! Your not going to be pretty like Britney Spears. Your not going to sing like Amy Lee. And any other questions you may ask the answer is no."
"Can I go to the bathroom now?" Amy slightly smiled
Travis pointed to the bathroom,"This could take a while....."
After all the stupid events, Amy turned serious. SHe was ready to record her first cd. She wasn't really a rock star, more of a pop star. Her hit single was about the love for her boyfriend Jamie it went like this.
"I may be alone, but when all hope is gone. And I'm stuck in the rain, there it is. That light shining in the middle of my world. Your face just lightens up this place. Who cares if I have no friends. At least I can just be right in your arms. It's just as if everything freezes. And the rain has stopped. As if the weather won't come, there is no sky, it's just me and you. I love you, our love is like the world to me."
(I worked hard on that song so give me credit! lol)
She had few fans, but that little crystal just seemed to make her wish true. Amy met Linkin Park and Jamie and Amy seemed to love each other forever. All this was just Crystal's Recieved Gift.
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Okay, you are going have to work on this.
I'll help you out.
Along with some jeans, he was your normal guy. It had a pink, shining crystal on the necklace.
I think that you might have missed a sentence or two there.
tryed=tried
ringed=rang in present or rung in past
A ring was at the door, Amy opened the door and saw a man.
It would sound better if you said it like this:
There was a ring at the door and Amy opened it and saw a man.
Also : Amy brushed her red hair. Flipped her hair up and she was good to go.
It would sound better if you said : Amy brushed her red hair. Then she flipped it and she was good to go.
Also, you should be a little more descreptive with the characters, and give more information
about them.
You should also start more new paragraphs.
It was Saturday her alarm clock rang. It was 11 o' clock. Amy shut off her alarm clock and got dressed. Her attire was tan pants with a black t-shirt. Amy brushed her red hair. Flipped her hair up and she was good to go. Then, Amy had a regular bowl of cereal. When she had been done brushing her teeth. A ring was at the door, Amy opened the door and saw a man. He had a red mohawk, was wearing a tye die t-shirt. With baggy pants. The man smiled,"Amy Larson, I am Travis Roberts. Now let's go and make your first CD!"
You could have made atleast three paragraphs out of that.
Whenever someone speaks, make a new paragraqph. You should work on that to make your story better.
Good Luck.
Welcome !
