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I love some of the things in this, like a staple gun fight or chasing people with a mower or something! And locking your little brother or sister in a cabinet is classic!
You should've submitted this to my contest, 10 Top Things Not To Do! I would've definitely considered this as a winner, due to the well-thought out hilarity!
There were two spelling mistakes in this, and both of them were the word "maintenance". In numbers 8 & 9!
Other than that, you wrote a great piece here! You should think funny things as such much more often!
And take the floor buffer for a spin! It's a lot of fun and relatively harmless, compared to a jackhammer!
Three of my older sisters went shopping with my mother and step-father. They were well into adulthood, the youngest of the three had to have been in her 30's. Two of them were acting like little kids, trying their darndest to embarrass my step-father, while the third went and hid in a pile of 25 lb. dog food bags. She spotted my mom coming toward her, trying to run from the embarrassment of it. As soon as she spotted the one hiding, she turned and went in a different direction.
They never took more than one of us shopping with them ever again!
The activities mentioned in your list remind me of an old MTV show called Jackass. However, I happen to like Jackass and all of its numerous stupid stunts, so do not worry! This list of questionable activities to do in a hardware store is amusing because I can mentally picture you and your friend doing those things, and truth be told, I would want to do numbers 1, 2, 7, 8, 9, and 10! If I were more audacious and less reserved I would do those activities at least once...
On the whole, this is a good and amusing work. No real mechanical mistakes are present save for no hyphen between "mini maintenance", but nothing fatal. The things not to do are also logical and highly tempting for any potential mischief maker and/or "square" wanting to break out and enjoy the thrill of riding the armored personnel carrier that is a forklift or mini-maintenance staircase. After reading this, it is small wonder that you won a contest with it!
Mind if I suggest one? It goes "Put your brother/sister's head in a vice." I haven't done this myself, but there is almost certainly someone in the world that has tried...
Another thing you should never ever do in a hardware store is to loudly ask your imaginary friend whether or not she likes the blue paint better, or the green paint, and then arguing with her about her choice.
Sorry, I'm trying to be funny here...
Liek Stef and Debra ive participated in several of those activities... they really are worth being yelled at by store managers and most likely thrown out... i encourage everyone to act amazingly stupid in public plaes more often... its great for stress
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