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10 Things You Shouldn't Do in a Hardware Store (by me and my friend, Kim)
by Katie Langolf (Age: 22)
copyright 01-21-2004
Contest Winner


Age Rating: 7 to 127

 
1) Hijack a forklift and race it up and down isles.

2) Hijack a plywood cart and race THAT up and down isles.

3) Scale the shelves, pretending you're climbing Mount Everest.

4) Walk up behind you little brother or sister and turn on a power drill, saying (in a spooky voice), "Time to get your teeth cleaned."

5) Hit your older brother or sister with a hammer because he/she scared you with a drill.

6) Lock your little brother or sister in a cabinet.

7) Have a staple gun fight.

8) Hijack a mini maintainance staircase and chase your little brother or sister.

9) Hijack a ride on mower and chase your big brother or sister on the mini maintainance staircase.

And the tenth thing you shouldn't do in a hardware store...(drum roll)...

Take a floor buffer for a spin.

Thank you! Thank you very much!


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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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05-19-2007 Mehrina B.    

Haha! Amusing!

I love some of the things in this, like a staple gun fight or chasing people with a mower or something! And locking your little brother or sister in a cabinet is classic!

You should've submitted this to my contest, 10 Top Things Not To Do! I would've definitely considered this as a winner, due to the well-thought out hilarity!

There were two spelling mistakes in this, and both of them were the word "maintenance". In numbers 8 & 9!

Other than that, you wrote a great piece here! You should think funny things as such much more often!

And take the floor buffer for a spin! It's a lot of fun and relatively harmless, compared to a jackhammer!

Her Wisdom
~*Athena*~
Of...


07-18-2006 BJ Niktabe    

Three of my older sisters went shopping with my mother and step-father. They were well into adulthood, the youngest of the three had to have been in her 30's. Two of them were acting like little kids, trying their darndest to embarrass my step-father, while the third went and hid in a pile of 25 lb. dog food bags. She spotted my mom coming toward her, trying to run from the embarrassment of it. As soon as she spotted the one hiding, she turned and went in a different direction.

They never took more than one of us shopping with them ever again!

BJ


06-21-2006 Jordan Screws    

The activities mentioned in your list remind me of an old MTV show called Jackass. However, I happen to like Jackass and all of its numerous stupid stunts, so do not worry! This list of questionable activities to do in a hardware store is amusing because I can mentally picture you and your friend doing those things, and truth be told, I would want to do numbers 1, 2, 7, 8, 9, and 10! If I were more audacious and less reserved I would do those activities at least once...

On the whole, this is a good and amusing work. No real mechanical mistakes are present save for no hyphen between "mini maintenance", but nothing fatal. The things not to do are also logical and highly tempting for any potential mischief maker and/or "square" wanting to break out and enjoy the thrill of riding the armored personnel carrier that is a forklift or mini-maintenance staircase. After reading this, it is small wonder that you won a contest with it!

Mind if I suggest one? It goes "Put your brother/sister's head in a vice." I haven't done this myself, but there is almost certainly someone in the world that has tried...

Jordan of the Commenting Crusaders


03-13-2006 Haley R.    

Sorry, I meant Entertaining, not intertaining...oops! :P


02-24-2006 Haley R.    

lol!! HILRARIOUS!! You're really funny! It was veeeeeeeeeeery intertaining.

Thanks

~haley


10-23-2005 Lyra M.    

That is too funny. AHAHAHA!


05-29-2005 Mika L.    

Its funny =^^= I would do this to my cousin! HE'S SOOO ANNOYING! Lol.


04-09-2005 Sammy A.    

Lol I wanna try the last one!


01-20-2005 Anthony Lane Stahlhut    

This is cute. I want to know what Sailor Mercury's choice was on the blue paint. You are very funny Katie! Thanks, Anthony


12-16-2004 Andrew Findlay    

Another thing you should never ever do in a hardware store is to loudly ask your imaginary friend whether or not she likes the blue paint better, or the green paint, and then arguing with her about her choice.
Sorry, I'm trying to be funny here...


10-06-2004 Paula T.    

I just wanted to thank you for entering my contest, it was a pleasure reading your entry.
Congrats on winning!


08-31-2004 Paula T.    

This is funny, but you missed a lot of good stuff..
But it made me laugh so bad that "tears" ran down my leg.
Great job!


02-15-2004 Anne W.    

Haha! Another thing not to do:
Pick out a power saw and ask one of the employes if it works well on human bone. ;-)
~*anne*~


01-22-2004 Alyse Marie Chinnock    

Liek Stef and Debra ive participated in several of those activities... they really are worth being yelled at by store managers and most likely thrown out... i encourage everyone to act amazingly stupid in public plaes more often... its great for stress

Alyse


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