The Unhandled Truth
by
Caitlin M.
(Age: 16)
copyright 02-21-2004
Age Rating: 13 to 127
Picture Credits:
The only reason you want to be my friend is because I'm nice. To be honest, I'm mean. You all have been played like the pinball machine in the arcade. Many things you don't know about me. If you knew me well, you wouldn't be my friend.
Many things you don't know about me.
I've tryed suicide probaly five times. When I go to sit by someone in lunch they walk away and I remain eating by myself. With nobody else on either side. Every morning on the bus I have to yell at someone for them to move in because nobody on my bus will even look at me. I only know one person that listens to rock and heavy metal too. My grades are slipping so much. I'll have to pray fifty times to a one hundred. I've been getting straight fourty sevens.
If you knew me well.
You would know at least what my dream is. You would know that I want to live like Jack and Sally. Where someone would always find me. And me and him would always have our Halloween on Christmas. You would know I cry before I fall asleep. You'd know I am a loner. You'd know I was almost sent to juevinille hall for throwing a rock at three different cars.
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So much I could say to this. You express your pain well here, especially for one so young. I hope you keep writing out your pain and frustration as it does help. One thing I would change in here is in the third paragraph..."me and him" might sound better as "he and I". Someone let me know if I'm wrong on that...I'm tired and pretty foggy today..lol.
You know, I think it is pretty commonplace to put on a mask everyday that dims who we really perceive ourself to be. For the most part, that is harmless...unless it starts to destroy the person under the mask. I think we wear the mask because we are never quite happy with who/what we are. Once I figured out I didn't have to be perfect, my mask started to thin...some days you can even catch a glimpse of the person underneath. Also, the rock throwing seems to be one way you express your anger...I'm betting you can find other ways to do that. I use writing, writing and more writing..lol. I also used to go to my room and literally beat the stuffing out of my pillow or beat on my bed. As silly as it sounds, it helps..lol..and you don't get into trouble.
Ok, I have rambled on too long...keep writing please.
Chris
Wanna bet? Caitlin, friends don't love you because of your grades or because of what kind of music you listen to, or how many rocks you trow at ppls cars!! Friends love and accept you for WHO YOU ARE!! Friends are ppl who don't really have to like you for any particular reason aside from that you're their friend in return (and sometimes they can deal if you're not and still be nice to you! :) friends are people who can take all the bad stuff with the good, grades, problems, seriously harsh insults during fights! :) And yes, you DO have good in you! Friends are supposed to sit with you at lunch when no one else will, and tell you how much they love you if they ever find out you're suicidal! The people who just hang out and play with you and are just there to have fun, aren't friends, they're called weather friends, because they're only there for you when it's 'sunny' and never there for you when it's 'raining' and you need them the most! :) You have a weird definition of a friend, that's why you think people won't be your friend if they found out some (all) dark secret about you! They will!! And if you want to, try me! :) (or someone you think is a weather friend)
Welcome !
