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On Line
Amy B.
Jeanette Broussard
2 Writers

0 Free Members

2 Members
22 Guests

Sea spirite
by Madeline C.
copyright 05-23-2004


Age Rating: 13 to 127

 
standing alone on that rocky beach
knowing that you will come
I know how much it hurts me
to see you...
yet I keep coming.
I can see your body
leap out of the waves
the moonlight shimmering
on your bluegreen scales.
I never feared that beautiful tail.
So many times it's wrapped around me .
Your strong arms embrace me each night
on the beach.
Your webbed fingers
resting on my pale hand.
We whisper our dreams,
and point at the stars.
You look at the sky
and see a speck of light.
I walk next to your fish like body
until you reach the waves.
You slither in
and look back at me...
my heart is about to break.
I long to go slide through the waves
beside you.
Yet you leap under the blue water
and I know you'll return
to this beach.
Then once again,
you'll wrap your arms around me...


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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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04-08-2004 Leah Garrison    

oh wow!!! spectacular!
=^.^=
04-03-2004 Leah Garrison    

you forgot beautiful in line 10. almost there! this is really good. email me when fixed and I'll reccomend!
=^.^=
04-03-2004 Joan Jotz    

Madeline,
Having problems getting my comments posted. the line I spoke of was this:
"I long to go and slide through the waves
along beside you."
You don't need along and beside in the same sentence...I would delete one of those words. Your choice.

~*~Joan~*~
04-01-2004 Joan Jotz    

Madelind,
This is a nice fantasy piece. Your description of the 'merman' and his love for someone not of the sea is charming.
I would change one line:
Visitor Reads: 498
Total Reads: 520
Comments: 4

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