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On Line
Martyna K.
1 Writers

Nina Brettschneider
1 Free Members

2 Members
29 Guests

He Said To Me
by Carmen C.
copyright 04-06-2004


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
I'm awake through the song,
Of death.
I'm awake when he said,
It's my last breath.
I'm awake when the stars don't shine,
When I'm drowning alone,
In the moonshine.

He said to me,
Goodbye.
He said to me,
Don't cry.
He said to me,
I'll never leave you I'm always here,
Then how could I be dying alone in the fear?

I woke up and wondered if he was there,
I wondered if he knew I cared.
I felt like flying away,
Instead I ran down the walkway.
To see if he was gone,
I seemed to be withdrawn,

From the rest of the world,
From the rest of life,
From the rest of the nothing in the sky.
He said to me,
Goodbye.
He said to me,
Don't cry.
He said to me,
I'll never leave you I'm always here,
Then why did he leave me alone?
So scared to be on my own?
Why would he die on me...........,
And leave me in worry............?


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Comments on this Article/Poem:
Click on the commenter's name to see their Author's Page

02-07-2005 Brittney N. N.    

Wow. Thats such a sad and touching poem. i can't imagen what would happen if someone I loved died. Good poem.
01-13-2005 SamiJo Mcquiston    

That's so sad.
But love never really dies, unless you let it.
I hope this really didn't happen.
Keep up the good work.
04-20-2004 Carmen C.    

actually these are gonna be song lyrics....someday anyway.
04-04-2004 Joan Jotz    

Hi Carmen,
I already commented on your poem, but I want to add that the repetition in this piece works to draw the reader into the pain the writer is expressing. Very well written.

~*~Joan~*~
03-29-2004 Madeline C.    

It is a very strong poem in emotion.I love it!!!(I like poems that are kinda sad).
03-27-2004 Carmen C.    

Oh, thx pepper ^-^
03-25-2004 Pepper Basham    

Carmen, this is a powerful poem filled with deep emotion. Only one change: a misspelling at the end of the poem. 'indstead' should be 'instead'. Very thought-provoking!
03-23-2004 Toni Sweeney    

Wow!!! This work deserves a 10. I loved it so much. It is your best work yet.
Toni S.
03-16-2004 Joan Jotz    

Hi Carmen,
This is a well written peace. The anguish you go through is very well expressed.The piece flows well, the theme sad but real.

~~Joan~~
Visitor Reads: 418
Total Reads: 459
Comments: 9

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