Once More
by
Joan Jotz
(Age: 54)
copyright 08-13-2004
Age Rating: 10 to 127
Among the shadows of impassioned dreams,
I linger. A misty touch, a whispered sigh
Beckons me to where your vision resides...
Once more.
Amid endless nights of sightless sleep,
Misery taunts ease from my weary eyes.
O, awaken my trembling soul!
Enfold me, be my desire...
Once more.
My heart pounds tuneless lullabies,
Pauses of life betrayed in silence.
Love, haunt me! From the darkness,
A ghostly caress, phantom arms embrace...
Once more.
Lost in another day's lifetime,
My soul clings to eternal hope.
Night bestows no comfort. I endure,
Eyes closed, awaiting treasured peace,
A sweet release...
Once more.
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"Amid endless nights of sightless sleep" I love that line! This is a really good poem. I love your diction and the way you fit the words together as though you can see things clearly before the picture has been made. I love it!
Yes, our dreams are a place away from the harsh reality of life. (I have written about it as well in TRUTH MAY THE DREAM ENCUMBER). It's usually a pleasant respite that I can not wait to join.
I agree with Heather in that this should be at least for 10 year olds or more, and I see that change has been made.
Your poem makes the reader yearn for what was lost in their life to return full measure 'once more', Joan. I feel that kind of yearning on a daily basis.
Nancy
I liked this, and I only really have one problem:
the age rating. It seems a little low to me. Maybe I'm reading more into than you meant to write into it, but this almost reads like a woman longing for the touch of a long absent loved one...maybe a widow who lost her husband (or even a widower, who lost his wife, it need not necessarily be a woman speaking here...)
But when I read it from that point of view, it seems like too much to ask a 7 year old to grasp. It might work for the next group up (10 yo, I think) but I think if I had written it, I might have set it at 13+, just to be safe. Maybe I'm being too conservative.
I could, of course, be completely off the mark, here, though. Either way, it's a haunting read, and I really liked it.
Ahh!! My comment disappeared!!! Heh.. sorry.. anyways, what I said before was that I like this poem but just something seemed a bit off... or something.. I'm not sure, but maybe it's just me! ANyways, I'll e-mail you later and see if I can figure it out! The wombats are starting to get restless!!!
Welcome !
