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Don't want to make you mad! Whome ever you are talking about would really feel bad if they read this! You don't need to be afraid of anyone! This is another great write . You are so good! Anthony
Very nice poem, Tara! :) Just a coupla minor things, 2nd line, capitalize 'I'm', 4rth line, Really -> really, 9th line, capitalize 'I'm', 10th line, take out the comma and put a period at the end if you like, 14th line, maybe "as anyone else in this world"? and 15th line, capitalize 'I'm' :) Other than that, it's perfect! :)
Hi Tara,
You have some strong points in this piece, and you get them across to the reader well.
Some suggestions:
"And I'm immobolised with hate."
Drop 'And' from the sentence, it's not a good way to start, plus you really don't need it.
Also correct the spelling of "immobilized"
Same suggestion for this sentence:
"And (drop) why should I be afraid."
Your thought is just as strong without using 'and'.
Welcome !
