Forgotten...(a sad poem from the heart)
by
Madeline C.
copyright 04-06-2004
Age Rating: 13 to 127
Forgotten…
I saw you there, in the school yard
As solitary as a bird
Who has flown away so easily
that has left his love behind
We caught eyes to powerful
I felt the burn steam my cheeks
As he just stared at me with cold gray eyes
It was just to powerful
He looked at me as if I was a dream
A dream long ago that has faded
Like a torn rose trying to stay alive
The deep thorn from his stare
I walked toward him trying to say hi
When a girl grabbed him and kissed him
Kissed him…and his cold stare turned soft
My heart was plunged in sadness
I was forgotten…
Like the birds lover, he just flew away
Its time for me to fly away
And forget the past
I turn away; I don’t want to shed tears
The burn that burst from my eyes and fell
Quietly…hurtfully
Is that all I am?
A forgotten dream?
That was woven with gold thread,
Now torn and faded
How can you forget the love I gave?
Or how you used to hold me?
It’s all over now…
In my heart, it replays those memories
When you left me, I saw you suffer…
So why did you go away?
You purposely forgot about me.
The tears still fall and burn…
I feel anger, cutting my vision
I quickly brush it away…
Then come memories, in visions
Sweet hurtful visions…
I’ll let go now
No need to be cut by your thorns
I have a future, you know
I tell myself…I don’t need you
I still look out the window
Remembering your touch…
So warm and gentle
That has now turned to stone
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You have some very good descriptions written in this poem. It makes me wonder what happened between the two in the poem to make the girl get forgotten in the first place. Thanks for the read!
Madelind,
No, this piece is not too long. Your express the pain of lost love very well, and the reader can feel the torment. A couple of suggestions:
"We caught eyes to powerful."
I don't really understand this sentence, but to should be 'too'.
"That burn that burst from my eyes and fell
Quietly..."
I would put a comma(,) after burn, and change fell to 'fall'--->present tense.
"That was woven with gold thread..."
I would drop 'That was' from this sentence, it isn't necessary to your thought.
A forgotten dream,
Woven with gold thread,
Now torn and faded."
A good,descriptive poem. A few changes will improve the flow.
I don't think it's too long...just a little wordy. there was an error in the third paragraph on the first line. Other than that it's really good.
Travis B
Welcome !
