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Buffalo Creek
by Anne W. (Age: 16)
copyright 11-03-2004


Age Rating: 4 to 127

 
He sang me a song
Down by ‘ol Buffalo Creek
That lazy, little river
So quiet and sweet

He sang me a song
That he wrote by himself
Strumming his guitar
Dusty from the store shelf

He told be ‘bout love
And he opened my eyes
By that quiet spring river
Under that blue autumn sky

His voice filled the air
As it danced ‘round me
In our own little world
Just as happy as can be

And though we were small
In that tiny country town
It seemed for a while
In each other's hearts we would drown


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12-22-2004 Anthony Lane Stahlhut    

How about,"in our hearts we drown" closer to your rhythm pattern. Its your work and it can stand as it is. Its a wonderful thought and you expressed it well! Thanks, Anthony
11-04-2004 Ajda G.    

Emotional and stong, very well written. You really deserve the praise points. Keep on writing, Anne!!!!
07-29-2004 Debra Rose    

Anne,
This is such a wonderful poem! The rythm works very well, and it brings about such a peaceful image. I love this work. It reminds me a lot of some of my past ^.^

Forever,
Debra Rose
06-13-2004 Alixandria W.    




06-13-2004 Alixandria W.    

well i don't really get that munch but for trying i giving you 3 points
06-03-2004 Wayne Thomas    

Bravo! For a minute I'm back home in Colorado, many years ago. This is great till you get to the last line, which, as it stands, is a bit of a clunker. Straighten that out--try never to force a rhyme or violate proper English, though you can play all sorts of tricks with it when you know how. Good effort. Very good.
Your colleague,
Wayne
05-22-2004 Regina S.    

Very beautiful and creative! :) It kinda has a dreamy effect which is really nice! But see if you can smooth out the last line. If not, it's still perfect the way it is! ^-^
Visitor Reads: 391
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Comments: 7

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