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The Bliss
by Irina Guschina (Age: 53)
copyright 05-28-2004


Age Rating: 13 to 127

 
(Tanka)

Long-awaited love…
You have come into my life,
Accidentally.

You were smiling timidly,
You were whispering fondly…
You are mine since the first sight.


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08-30-2004 Mary -BrytEyz- Ball    

I agree with Lyle when it comes to the "You was". It should be you were.

Otherwise, I also agree with Misty... short and sweet. :-) Sometimes words are our friends. They help us paint the world around us, or at least how we see it. Other times...they get in the way. It seems you never let the latter happen.
06-09-2004 Misty Montier    

all i can say is a picture is worth a thousand words. short, but sweet and to the point. a poem doesn't have to be full of words to evoke such power. nice!
06-08-2004 Lyle Berry    

Wonderful, Irina. My only critique is in your use of the phrase "You was.." The proper tense of the verb in this case is "were." Therfore, it should be "you were..." in both lines. Otherwise, superb tanka as always!

Hugs!
Lyle
05-28-2004 Walter Jones    

Perfection....Walt
Visitor Reads: 524
Total Reads: 541
Comments: 4

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