Seek and You Shall Find
Age Rating: 13 +
"Put me back! I do not want to enter this world yet. It is cold, cruel and full of war and violence and hate!" I thought as the doctors pulled me out of my mother. I didn't want to be alive, but mother did. She and father had different opinions about this. He disagreed and wanted me gone. Mother still cared, but not for long, though. She left. Left everything at my third year of where I did not want to be, left me on my sorrowful own. As time passed and I aged, my heart turned to ice, turning everything else inside into ice along with it. I could feel it flowing along in my veins with my blood. It made me eternally sad and gave me a never ending chill. Ever the anger I had could not melt the freezing substance. Kids would pick fights. They'd say,
"You're gonna wish you were never born!" and I think to myself,
'Kid, that's the road I live down.'
Shiny, coal black eyes and hair and any clothes that I could get were the only ways of expressing the sorrow and negativity I had in me. By my 17th year, I'd considered cutting my time short with this life of mine. I had enough of this hate, war, ugliness, dirt of this planet you call 'beautiful' and this nation you call 'wonderful'. Tonight, rendezvous in the back alley with my father's kunai knife I had kept all these years. I plan to find a better place with this. Surley it would be better than this place I am in right now. While walking along these dirty, nasty streets after school, I thought about the better place when you pulled me off to the side. When you did, I felt a different feeling that I never had before with anyone else. What was it? For once in this life, I knew what it was like to feel good. I told you my plans for tonight. You told me you didn't like what I had in mind.
"Can I talk you out of it?" you asked, worridly. I had seen that worried expression before, but never for me. When i answered 'No' to your question, you took my hand, and pulled me close. I exhaled and saw my breath. I felt the ice melting away from my veins and water dripping off of my heart as you brought your lips to mine. I suddenly felt something like I was on the surface of the sun. Had I really been that cold? I certainly felt better, but that wasn't going to stop my plans for tonight. I didn't want you to, but you pulled your lips away from mine. You took me on a tour on the side of the world that I had never seen before: a positive side. It was hard to see, almost impossible, but I was able to with your help. I had forgotten about my plans by the time I was supposed to. We lay down in a field, so close to each other that I felt your warm, wonderful breath on my face and neck. That night while I fell asleep, I had a dream. It had torture, blazing fire, and eternally lost souls, either wandering forever or in the blaze, all under the watch of an ugly, evil being that was enjoying itself greatly. This is where I would have been going if I had cut my life short in the alley tonight. I woke up and screamed in a terrible fright, but you were there to comfort me. You had saved me from wandering and burning forever that night, too. As a month and a half passed, I felt, along with another really strong feeling, incredibly happy (I think). One day I had a visit with the people who I had thought were evil for helping mom bring me into this place. They told me I had two weeks left, because of something called leukemia. That could have been the reason I hadn't been feeling that strong. Later in two weeks, you asked me how my doctors appointment went.
"They said I had only two weeks left, and, what's leukemia?" It must have been something I said, because water started flowing from your eyes and down your cheeks. That had been the first time ever I had seen a boy cry, and it felt good knowing someone cared for me. At that moment, I felt like I was slipping, getting weaker, as if I could not hold onto that rock ledge any longer. I started to fall backwards, but you caught me before I hit the ground. Once again when I was in your arms, you brought your lips to mine, one last time. The last thing I remember is the salty taste of your tears from your wonderful brown eyes. We parted and I felt myself leaving my body. I watched from above as you kept me in your hold even though I was not there anymore, with your salty tears on my face.