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I Pay not attention ... should "Pay" be capitalized?
I'm glad I had the chance to read this once again. Reading your work is always refreshing. You have a way with words that I believe one can only be born with. Some will try and study and work hard at writing, and they might even come up with something good. But for others... they are born with this undescribable gift... a gift like yours. :-) I would not be surprised if you won the contest. I wish you well. :-)
Wonderful, honest reflection of love, which most of have experienced, unfortunate but at times, so it is with life....Yes I also have been there, and I have struggled with the exactness of what went wrong and when....but you've lead me to rexamine...and I most of all motivated me to write of my last....love...thanks
Simplistic, yet complex and thought provoking...good writing....Jemmifer.....
*tears falling from her eyes* It reminds me of how I feel from time to time about a very close friend that I have lost. I love reading your work...keep on writing..I would love to read lots more.
The title gives the poem a double meaning. Lost love, loss of a loved one. I agree with Gregory, the poem really captures that feeling, those deep emotions involved with losing someone. Thanks!
You've expressed the deep emotion of losing a loved one, whether by parting ways or death. It is the feeling that counts and you've captured that feeling very nicely.
Hmmm, I didn't like the last line at first. But the more I read it the more it sank in. The place, the space... as in emptiness, alone-ness, lonliness. *Sigh*... Yeah, I like it.
In the first couplet, I think the second line needs a two syllable word like "special" before bond to keep the rhythm correct. (The first line is 15 beats and the second only 13)
At the end to emphasize the fact that 'replace' and 'space' are supposed to cause the poem to pause a bit (which I'm guessing they are since you threw in extra syllables) I would type it "But no one can replace, the space, where you once were".
Also, 'where' should be 'were'. Lots of people make that mistake, watch out for it.
The rhyme near the end is a bit forced. Hehe, you have to make a poem flow so that it rhymes, but the reader doesn't notice that you rhymed just for the heck of it! You have to trick them into thinking that those were the exact words you wanted, the fact that they rhyme is just a coincidence! ^-~ The poem itself is really nice, but see if you can polish it up a bit near the end?
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