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A special someone
by Mika L. (Age: 15)
copyright 09-06-2004


Age Rating: 7 to 127

 
Below the stars
above the ground
in the silent nights
in the lonely city
I long for someone to hold onto
I long for someone to cherish
I long for a special someone
someone to love and be with


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04-24-2005 James Shammas    

You may be too young, but an old hippie 1960's song said, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with." So until that one special person comes along, take that pent up energy and use it effectively and in a healthy manner. Make someone smile!

Jim
07-12-2004 Victoria Medley    

I think that 'hold on to' was used to often. You should try (whenever possible) not to use words twice. It takes away from the flow of your poem unless you use it correctly. I almost makes it sound like your ran out of things to say and so you just repeated yourself.

Also, some punctuation would be nice. Right now, if I read this outloud, I would have to read it straight through without pause. Try and reread it to yourself and see where you paus naturally, then add a coma. If it is a longer pause, add a period. Puncuation makes a BIG difference in how a poem is read and what it means.
07-07-2004 Sam Hackel-Butt    

This is a great poem, but i felt the word 'cherish' was used to often. Maybe find another word?

And spelling:
Cherrish = cherish
Visitor Reads: 578
Total Reads: 602
Comments: 3

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