A special someone
by
Mika L.
(Age: 15)
copyright 09-06-2004
Age Rating: 7 to 127
Below the stars
above the ground
in the silent nights
in the lonely city
I long for someone to hold onto
I long for someone to cherish
I long for a special someone
someone to love and be with
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You may be too young, but an old hippie 1960's song said, "If you can't be with the one you love, love the one your with." So until that one special person comes along, take that pent up energy and use it effectively and in a healthy manner. Make someone smile!
I think that 'hold on to' was used to often. You should try (whenever possible) not to use words twice. It takes away from the flow of your poem unless you use it correctly. I almost makes it sound like your ran out of things to say and so you just repeated yourself.
Also, some punctuation would be nice. Right now, if I read this outloud, I would have to read it straight through without pause. Try and reread it to yourself and see where you paus naturally, then add a coma. If it is a longer pause, add a period. Puncuation makes a BIG difference in how a poem is read and what it means.