Rejection
by
Brittney N. N.
(Age: 17)
copyright 01-02-2005
Age Rating: 10 to 127
I was walking down the street,
when chance said we should meet.
When we bumped into each other,
and I recognize you as a friend of my brothers'.
As we walked home from the park,
we talked until it was dark.
As we talked ... I thought,
that you were really hot.
As the hours passed,
we talked, and odd questions were asked.
Just before you left,
I moved closer to your chest.
As I closed in for the kiss,
you moved away and I missed.
Once you made your exit,
again I felt... rejected.
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The pain, of rejection. We all know that painful emotion that we'll always be feeling. The pain does pass, but only with time. And time seems to drag very slowly when waiting to heal. It's a slow process, but all we can do is deal with it. We don't have a choice only proving further that we are human. Very good work, a few errors but nothing big. I love dark poems, it's always great to find a new dark author. Overall, very nice...
Well Buddy A, please uderstand I was 13 and thought kissing is the only way to show your emotions. (Granted I'm only 14 now) But i've learned that kissing isn't the only way to show affection. This was one of my first poems also, so it might not be written as well as other poems of mine.
This poem is excellent, though as a person I don't exactly like it. Two people shouldn't start kissing just because you've been together for such a time. Thats something that a COUPLE should talk about, what all physical contact they want. And from the way it reads the meeting was a first-time thing, thus really NO reason to kiss. I hate being so negative about it but its just how I feel. Excellent work though!
WOW!!! This is a really good poem I really enjoyed it. I found a few mistakes that you may wannt to change before you move the poem to the front page where every one can see it. The first one I saw was the third line eachother should have a space be entered betwen each and other. the second was in line nine houres is suppoesed to be spelled hours. The next mistake was in line 11 you forgot the e in before, in line 12 you should be your. That was all the mistakes I found. once again you did a good job.
Toni S.
Well, I said I liked your writings and you said that you have a new one out...and I have to say that... I love it. Wonderful job. You perfectly
expressed how many people feel rejected on a date where the ydon't get kissed back. You were a little wobbly at the beginning because you
seemed that you were rhyming anything that rhymed, but in the end it went way up and turned out really good. Great job, you're a great poet because you have perfect rhymthm, so all in all, you're really good, and I look forward to any future writings by you.
This reminds me of that dowey diddy thing song. lol, I'm weird. Yay you listened to me when I told you to join! Everyone be nice to her cause she rules.Oh yea and I'd run a spell check too.
Welcome !
