| |
Somehow I doubt that words exist to express how inexplicably hard this is for me. Not to express how hard it is to have walked the road that requires what I’m doing, not to express how hard it was to reach this point, not to express how hard it was for me to actually decide to do it and then to live that decision out.
I had come recently to finally understand what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. I had also come to a place where I chose to forgive, though I did not feel forgiving. I think my obedience was the final step in reaching this place.
Tonight, as I came to our prayer meeting, I brought with me a letter I wrote late last night to the Parole Board. It took me a long time to write it, though I’d thought of it often recently, working over every sentence before it was ever committed to paper. I brought it to ask some of the people I love and trust to read over it. I wanted them to search it for hatred or bitterness, because I wanted neither in it. As I sat, waiting for the service to begin, I read over it again. I didn’t get very far before we began to sing, and so I set it aside. Still, something in me about it burned - so I turned my focus to actively praying the words I sang.
What precious worship I found, confessing these all too pertinent words written so long ago. And then we began the last one.
“Oh, how He loves you and me! Oh, how He loves you and me! He gave His life; what more could He give? Oh, how He loves you! Oh, how He loves me! Oh, how He loves you and me!” Thank you, Gaithers, for those simple and powerful words. I broke into sobs as we sang, because I finally saw their truth and forgiveness.
Do you understand forgiveness? I thought I did, for a long time, I really thought I did.
Forgiveness is not saying that what was done is OK, acceptable, or even right. It’s not trying to forget what was done. Often, we cannot afford to forget, lest what happened be repeated and suffering come again. I once heard it said that forgiveness is not taking offense for wrong - but I fear even that is inaccurate and unreachable at times – and again, like forgetting, inappropriate at times. How do we ask a person to pretend they weren’t hurt, wounded, changed forever by what happened? Certainly, not every offense committed causes such an enormous shift, but to ignore the very real wrongs and evils that do is denial at its worst.
OK, so, then, what is forgiveness? That is the difficulty I faced. How do I live, as I am commanded to, something I can’t even grasp?
I think I was finally able to understand it when I was finally able to accept the second portion of that song. When I finally understood that I am really and truly loved, not despite my past, but simply for existing, I was able to grasp the heart of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is the recognition that the one who wronged you, in the sight of a God who loves you, is no more guilty or less deserving of grace, or…and this is the part that flattened me tonight… no less loved than you are.
Yes, what was done was horrible, wrong, inexcusable. But if God can’t or won’t look past our actions to love us, then none of us is lovable. If what Christ did on the cross isn’t enough for the worst of us, how can it be adequate for any of us? If holy, perfect, all-powerful God cannot love the one who wronged me, then how can He ever love imperfect me?
I’ve known this is my head, but somehow, I’d never felt it take root deep in my hurt. But I determined to act in obedience to this idea, to this radical forgiveness. Tonight it was tattooed in indelible ink on my soul.
In my mind, in my memory, I saw the face of the man who’d victimized me, brought to my remembrance by a God who forgives me and patiently teaches me His ways and His love. As I sang “Oh, how He loves you and me!” I was singing a prayer over that man. I felt the heartbreak of God, pleading with him to accept His grace, His sacrifice, His love – and as I sang those words, for the first time I felt them, really meant them – and I loved him through God’s eyes. Yes, I said I loved him, and somehow I do.
My pastor quoted 1 John 3:16 –“This is how we know the love of God, because he laid down His life for us. We ought to lay down our lives for our brothers.” This is love – and I lay down my hurt so that, through me, God may show His love for this man. However hateful and evil his actions, he is no less loved than am I.
“Oh, how He loves you and me! He gave His life; what more could He give? Oh, how He loves you! Oh, how He loves me! Oh, how He loves you and me!”
|
Help Us Stop Plagiarism -
Nearly all works at PnP are original. However a few people choose to plagiarize.
To check, choose a phrase from the work, then either drag and drop to the search box or copy and paste.
click on search and works at Google will be shown which match. Just to be sure, please do this before
you recommend or rate the work highly...
|
 |
|
|
|
Select a Random Work
from Stories
|
|
Welcome !
