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On Line
Lee Hirst
Amber Smith
2 Writers

0 Free Members

2 Members
21 Guests

Soft Rain Falling
by Len Mcintosh (Age: 73)
copyright 09-12-2004


Age Rating: 13 to 127

 
When raindrops shade graying eyes
to tones of Spring’s sheer-green
it opens doors latched within
and kindles warmth once more

As refreshed thought confers effects
on souls not bathed in worlds
but halcyon appointments
of smiles of song and hugs
and always dear
I love you

Though down-pour times will threaten
to stay rain-shower’s advance
the wet-through stretch will sip a toast
of thunder-storms to quench

Yet
in days of cashmere-drizzle
each detail beckons us
to realize the harmony
within such treasure’s charm
afforded from above
with rain of life’s contentment
endowed to us in love.




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09-20-2004 Joan Jotz    

Welcome Len!!
I can see you are a passionate soul, it certainly reflects in your writing. Nice imagery, but may I would suggest adding some punctuation, to give the reader time to pause and reflect.
I'm not too sure about the 3rd stanza, it almost seems to detract from the mood you set in the prevous stanzas....just my opinion. It's almost a bit too much for the reader to digest, and quite a mouthful.

Down-pour times;rain-shower's advance; wet-through stretch..... I think you could re-write those sentences with the same ethereal quality as the rest of the poem. State them more simply.
Again, just a suggestion.

Very nice style.

Joan
09-15-2004 Sammy A.    

This is a wonderful write! You can see the poem. This is a perfect example of the saying 'dont tell us, draw us a picture'!
Visitor Reads: 538
Total Reads: 567
Comments: 2

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