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Pedro Neves
Konrad Jacek Kantorowski
2 Free Members

2 Members
22 Guests

My Roaring Thunder
by Barry Clopton Lanier (Age: 52)
copyright 09-13-2004


Age Rating: 16 to 127

 
Youth taught me love was like a slow, gentle, misting
rain,
Only to realize later my life's ultimate blunder.
I had her love in the grasp of my hands, two hearts
interwoven,
I walked away from the roaring thunder.

Each evening at dusk I hear the gentle rain,
And it carries me back in time.
She had found her seperate life, knowing her love was
once mine.
Everything this man had hoped for,
Is replaced by enduring pain and wonder.
So I listen and hope for, again and again,
The sweet music that soothes my soul, the sound of that roaring thunder.


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09-21-2004 Joan Jotz    

Barry,
Kudos on the re-write!! Now your words just flow through the readers soul. 2 extra points for you! Lovely poem.
Joam
09-20-2004 Joan Jotz    

Hi Barry,
I like this side of you. The bitter-sweetness of tenuous love. I like the pensive mood you create for the reader, how your words reflect the regret.
My only suggestion would be to re-wored the line;
"Everything a man's dreams could hope for,
And now only the distant pain and wonder,"
(sounds like the dream is hoping, not the man.)

Maybe something like;
Every dream this man had hoped for
Is now replaced with pain and wonder.

Just a suggesstion.
I enjoyed the read.

~*~Joan~*~
09-19-2004 SamiJo Mcquiston    

That was beautiful and it carried a powerful message.
I really loved the way things just flowed.
Good job. I hope you write more poetry like this.
Visitor Reads: 400
Total Reads: 408
Comments: 3

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