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Replica Of Rhyme
by Walter Jones (Age: 63)
copyright 04-28-2007


Age Rating: 4 to 127

 
From My Captain Oh My Captain
Tribute To Walt Whitman
Replica of Rhyme

As the word spread to life it’s done
She kept him in the tow life lingering I won
Blood spilled in the fight after life is exulting
Felt the water as it graced my fight most daring:
Better is the push past question of life in my heart
Problem is not of the land it is of the faded color left red
I going to steal me a dying truth to cover me hide from her lies,
She was the special angel that dreams of a higher calling for dead.



Silver slips in the hollowed hand of God hear bells
Can not accept the out come of a day dying for trills
Sad end to a time that seeks the betterment a-crowding
Why is the time still lost in the will-burning tomb a turning
Each man graced the field in tired face crying why my father why
Few of this or any world are worthy to lift a thought see the death head
Cards of prey fall easily as the answer sees the end results of a stacked deck
Mr. and Mrs. all live to see the best hand played to a terrible draw the hand dead.



Many fell to the sound of fury and the mind is still
Old times rest in the cradle of my challenge to freewill
I touch the world with a master move so perfect but done
Who of you will carry the burden to the future what was won
Church grace path covered in dust and weeds wall falls to the bells
Shell of what we claim we are is in the last drag weight sought in bed
Fingers start about the same as the words escape the mind of the damned lies
Oil of the snake danced in the shadows upon the stage of life leaving only dead




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05-27-2007 Lyle Berry    

Wow, Walter, I think I will go and hang myself now. LOL! Truly an emotionally stirring and darkly depressing composition, but well crafted. I'm not that familiar with the poem that was the model for it, but I'm sure you've done it proud. Great stuff as always! Best Regards, Lyle


05-01-2007 Samantha P.    

This was so unique, I loved the imagery and the way you made your words appear almost as if they where twisted or a ton of quotes where taken and formed into one. I had to read it a couple times to understand it so that was one flaw I think it had because usually i read pretty thurough. Each line captures the interest except the beginning two, they kind of throw my interest off almost as if I didn't want to read it. I didn't see any errors but there where a few iffy places that I'm not completely sure where correct.
Loved this pice but also I'm not sure if that is an appropriate title.
Antha of the CC




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