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Picture Credits: Karen Stack, Betty's Adopted "Sis"
Gosh, Mom...
So much has happened in so little time. You still have not woken up from the surgery and I was very confused for a long time. I couldn't understand why you wouldn't wake up.
Well, I learned this past weekend that during surgery there was a 38 minute circ arrest where your circulation stopped and oxygenated blood was not sent througout your body and to your organs. This explains why hardly anything was working at first, and why your kidneys slowly started working correctly, then your lungs, and so on. I can only hope this trend will not stop soon and that more and more of you will come alive and eventually you'll come back to us.
They will remove your feeding tube from your nose today and insert it directly into your stomach through your tummy. You had an MRI yesterday to detect brain activity and look for the amount of brain damage. Those results should be in today.
One doctor has discussed removing the breathing tubes from your mouth and either leaving them out or inserting new ones directly through a hole in your neck (tracheotomy - sp?). The only problem with that is you are so weak and out of it, they are afraid your throat will close up if they simply remove it. This is something they will have to discuss further and agree upon soon because after two weeks (and it's been two and a half) having those things remain in increases the chance for infection and you are just now getting over post-surgery pneumonia.
They cleaned you up really well yesterday and even braided your hair. You looked so peaceful, like you were simply resting at home. I closed my eyes and kissed your hand. I could smell your familiar mother smell and my eyes couldn't help but weep. I remember those gentle hands soothing every hurt that life brought me, and holding me near when I felt lost or alone or afraid. I also remember the strength in those hands when I walked a wayward path. How glad I am that you cared enough to teach me right from wrong and that you took the extra steps needed to ensure to the best of your ability that the path I started down would lead me to my happiness.
Mother, you taught me so very many things... from sewing, cooking, cleaning, and simple household stuff... to having fun, making joy, and sharing it with all those around you despite what the world may be trying to suck from our lives at the time. You taught me that there is happiness in each and every day, and that if looked hard enough...we'd find it.
If we had not found a reason to smile, it simply meant we were not looking hard enough or we were focusing instead on the reasons to be sad...which were just as numerous and available should we choose to look for those instead. You taught me that happiness was a choice and only the strong would dare to choose it. You, mother, taught me to be strong!
You taught me about forgiveness and reminded me daily that we should focus on the GOOD in people instead of the BAD since that's what we expected them to do for us. And although they may not offer kindness, love, and forgiveness to us...we must set the example by offering it first. You drilled your beliefs into me about how if we passed up the opportunity to love and trust someone because of being hurt in the past, we'd pass up a lot of good people, a lot of great memories, and most likely... the ONE chance in a lifetime to truly find who we were meant to be with.
I have been permanently infected with your optimism, I have patterned my life after your example of goodwill and hospitality, and I have mimicked the way you love and care for your children with that undying, unquestionable, and unbiased love that you shared with each of us...your privileged children, your precious gifts from God Jehovah.
My faith in the creator of all things was planted before I knew how to speak and has grown into the rock that holds me up today. He is the third chord in my marraige which keeps us strong. He is the comfortor in my times of distress. He is the hope that leads me onward when the world tries so hard to pull me down.
I miss you, Mother, and I sure hope some miracle brings you back to us. No matter what happens though... I know I have been blessed to have you in my life and the best way I know how to thank you... is to be as much like you as I possibly can! Imitation...the sincerest form of flattery.
I love you, Mom!
- Marry "Odd-A-Berry"
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