Oblivion
Dream One
by
Leigh G.
(Age: 14)
copyright 12-11-2004
Age Rating: 7 to 127
I could only see darkness in front of me. I tried to see the figure that was running away from me but it was like the person was trying to stay away. Not getting near me as he controlled the shadows to close him in within the darkness. Why is he trying to get away from me? I'm getting closer...much closer...I know if I can just run a little faster I can catch up... Right when I was almost near him, a huge dark wall separated us and I was blown even further away than I'd ever imagined I could be. I woke up with a start and I'd broken out in a cold sweat. I looked around my room and it was morning since sun light was streaming in through the large window that lead to a small balcony. It was make-shift and made of wood that washed up on the beach. The curtains were drawn and I quickly got dresses, jeans and a T-shirt, of course, and I drew the curtains and I glanced over at the clock saying,
"Oh, shoot...it's past nine o'clock..." Savon's going to be mad at me, for being three hours late. The sad thing is when ever his says to meet him around six AM, I'm always there my ten on the early side. He always shakes his head and laughers, but recently he's been more irritable, and gives me a lecture. I was tempted not to go to the little group of islands a few miles of short, and the town for the day, but then I'd be stuck in town all day. It was hard to get to the islands when the tide was coming in, and it would start coming in around noon. It'd start going out around three, and come back in at dusk. It was out going now so it would be easy to get to the islands. If I waited too long I'd be stuck here for hours. And I'd go insane hanging around with all the other teen-age girls around here. They're all so...girlie, prissy, and boy-crazy. I'd much rather duel with wooden swords with a best friend than hang out with them. I sighed as I rushed down the stairs saying,
"Good morning, later!" As I snacked a piece of toast off my dad's plate. before he could say something about my rushing too much and the like I was already out the door and over to the docks. Since I had a row boat, it was hell to get any where if the tide want going in or coming out and I happened to be doing the sailing around it. I hopped in and untied the ropes. I had to keep it up on the sand since it was hurricane season. The water was about a foot deep and I saturated my old rated boots and I felt the water rushing in as I pushed it off the sand and into navigable water. When I climbed back in I emptied the water out of my shoes, and even though I was always told by my mother that I could catch I cold some how I never did. When it was winder she really worried, but no matter how much icy water I dive in I'm perfectly comfortable in it, and never catch any colds. If I did I'd be in bed every day. I used the old oar that I'm pretty sure my father had when he was a kid, and after getting a mile or so out I let the tide carry me the rest of the way. I leaned back and wished I took time to grab some sunglasses as the sun began to rise higher in the sky. Another thing strange about me was that I never got sun burn.
When I reached the main and largest island of the my mini archipelago I tied up my board on the make-shift dock me and Savon had built as kids. Kayoco, one of my very few friends that was a girlie-girl watched and told us where the drift wood washed up. She wouldn't pick it up so she didn't break a fingernail. I noticed that Savon's boat was there and that I was bound to an earful. I sighed as I looked for him on the beach and and on the other side of the island. It was rock and there was a ship washed up there. It was old and smashed up into pieces. It's always been here, but I still haven't explored the whole thing. It was a huge medieval ship. Even though it was the twenty-first century it still remained here. I started my exploration and wondered if Savon had decided to kill some time and explore the wreckage.
There was no such luck. I stopped when the sun was high in the sky and I assumed that it was around noon, since it had to be rather thigh for it to get over the thirty to forty feet palm trees that created the almost rain forest. I sighed and made my way back to the beach. I decided to wait for him and as I laid back on the sand I said idly,
"Where is he? He's never late, that's my job. I stretched with a sigh and waited.
Help Us Stop Plagiarism -
Nearly all works at PnP are original. However a few people choose to plagiarize.
To check, choose a phrase from the work, then either drag and drop to the search box or copy and paste.
click on search and works at Google will be shown which match. Just to be sure, please do this before
you recommend or rate the work highly...
~hangs head~ Sory I made a mistake, I thoght you were finished, I hope we can get out of this. This certainly a great story and deserves more han I mistakenly gave it.
~cuts wrists superficially~~gives a pitiful look~
~apologizes again~
~rolls out~
~doesn't see door~
owwwwwwww
This doesn't even look like the same piece. You must have worked very hard on it. Only a minimum of spelling mistakes. Great re-write!
~puts a star on her dressing room door~
I can no longer feel her presence
How much deeper into this,
Sticky darkness must I go?
I used to see her face in the moon
Now I can't even see the moon
Yay Leigh! This is looking so GREAT! A few things, before it's perfect:
skiney = skinny
her hair was down to her back...
Capitalize the first letter of the sentence.
explor = explore. Remember, the e at the beginning is looking (exploring) for the 'e' at the end.
WOW! LEIGH! This is so much better! You definitly did a lot better with explaining the characters. I think you made an error in the first line though. Instead of "Not phycil strenth" I think you meant "physical strength".
Whoever is helping you is doing a magnificent job! I can't wait to read more!
I was going to comment on your spelling and grammar, but I see everyone else already has. You really should try and use the spell check this site offers, or go to dictionary.com. Then, when you still make an error and someone gives you counsel... you should amend it at that point.That way, the future readers don't have to read it that way, and everyone can tell how very much you really care about your writing. Let me know when you've made some changes and I'll be happy to come back and give you praise points.
I agree there are a lot of errors, here, unless you are deliberately spelling the words like this. I also would like to see much more before commenting further.
Welcome !
