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A Destiny
by SamiJo Mcquiston (Age: 20)
copyright 12-27-2004


Age Rating: 10 to 127

  A Destiny
Picture Credits: http://www.elfwood.com

A cold wind blew behind my closed eyes,
And with all my strength, I could not shut it out.
Without knowing it, I embraced this strange magic;
My purpose would soon present itself,
With the disturbing image of my life as payment.
I can’t understand it, but I will bear its burden non-the less.
It will be my greatest adventure and most selfless sacrifice;
And I will face it with open arms and joyful tears.


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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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12-30-2004 Jenna T.    

Hey SamiJo! This is great! I am already a fan of your work so I knew I'd like this even before reading it! Keep writing ttyl]

Jenna T.


12-28-2004 Anthony Lane Stahlhut    

I like this one for within it is hope. You are getting better! Keep it up we want more, more, more!! Thanks, Anthony


12-28-2004 Joan Jotz    

SamiJo,
I like the re-write. The punctuaion you added gives the reader time to pause, take in your words, and reflect. A much smoother write wothout the word repetition...good job.
Joan


12-27-2004 Joan Jotz    

SamiJo,
There is some depth in this piece, some introspection for the reader.
My only comment...try not to repeat words.
"Without knowing, I knew....."
Maybe another word for 'knew'
My life's purpose....(perhaps drop life's)
My purpose would soon present itself,(so life isn't repeated)
With the disturbing image of my life as payment."

Also, don't forget puctuation...periods, commas, etc.

A good piece, but you could polish a bit more.

Joan



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