A Destiny
by
SamiJo Mcquiston
(Age: 20)
copyright 12-27-2004
Age Rating: 10 to 127
Picture Credits: http://www.elfwood.com
A cold wind blew behind my closed eyes,
And with all my strength, I could not shut it out.
Without knowing it, I embraced this strange magic;
My purpose would soon present itself,
With the disturbing image of my life as payment.
I can’t understand it, but I will bear its burden non-the less.
It will be my greatest adventure and most selfless sacrifice;
And I will face it with open arms and joyful tears.
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SamiJo,
I like the re-write. The punctuaion you added gives the reader time to pause, take in your words, and reflect. A much smoother write wothout the word repetition...good job.
Joan
SamiJo,
There is some depth in this piece, some introspection for the reader.
My only comment...try not to repeat words.
"Without knowing, I knew....."
Maybe another word for 'knew'
My life's purpose....(perhaps drop life's)
My purpose would soon present itself,(so life isn't repeated)
With the disturbing image of my life as payment."
Also, don't forget puctuation...periods, commas, etc.