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Picture Credits:
This story was inspired by Jenna T. and her hilarious stories about Darien. Thank you Jenna for being a true Moonatic! Anyone who likes Sailor Moon (and maybe dislikes Darien), should check out her Author page and read her stories.
Also, this story is not meant to offend any Darien fans, and is simply supposed to be funny...I hope it's funny anyway.
Darien scuttled through the woods, dragging his knuckles on the ground as he drooled for no particular reason.
'Must save Serena', he grunted to himself. 'Serena in danger'
He rushed through the forest and swung up into the branches of a tree, slightly tearing his filthy tuxedo.He sniffed the cool night air and found her scent on the gentle breeze.
'Me save you Serena,' he growled and he jumped to the ground and ran to the park where she was fighting a youma.
Sailor Moon jumped away from the shards of ice the Youma had shot at her. The youma stood about eight feet tall and looked exactly like a bird doesn't.
'Give it up youma,' she screamed and she pulled out her wand in preparation of her final attack.
Just as she was about to use her Moon Healing power on the youma, Tuxedo Mask flew out of the bushes and pushed her away from some imagined harm.
He sniffed her up and down like an animal to make sure she was OK. When he was satisfied she was unhurt, he helped her up from the ground.
Sailor Moon got her wand ready again, but the youma was long gone from the park.
She looked at Darien in his unfocused eyes. He was admiring a rather medium sized stone and was aparently unaware of the youma's escape.
'Why did you do that Darien?' she asked. 'I just about had that youma, and then you came along and ruined everthing.'
Darien dropped the grey stone to the grass and looked up like a lost puppy. 'Darien help Serena,' he grunted. 'Serena in danger, so Darien help.'
She sighed. She realized that Darien was only about as smart as a poorly trained ape, but he just seemed to interfere in her business way too often.
'Serena OK?' he said as he sniffed around a steaming pile of doggy doo doo that was near him.
Serena got a little sick as he jabbed the doo doo with his finger. 'I'm fine Darien. I really don't need your help.'
He looked a little sad and he scratched his head. 'But Darien love Serena. Darien marry Serena.'
Serena almost got sick again from the thought of marrying this beast. For one, he was waaaaaaay too old for her and secondly, she could just imagine what their kids would look like. She'd probably end up giving birth to a pink haired little spore.
'I told you, I don't want to marry you," she said for what felt like the hundredth time that week. "I thought you liked Fiore anyway?'
The name of Darien's old love seemed to cause sadness in his primitive eyes. "Fiore gone," he snarled. 'Fiore not here. Me like Fiore, but Fiore GONE!!!' and that's when he started to smash the ground with his fists in a blind rage. 'FIORE GONE!' he screamed.
Serena knew there was only one way to calm him down. Luckily she had come prepared. She pulled out a large ripe cabbage and held it out. 'Who wants a cabbage?' she asked as if she were speaking to a puppy.'Who wants a cabbage?'
Darien struck the ground a few more times before he caught the scent of his favorite treat. 'Darien smells cabbage..."
Serena smiled. She really felt sorry for him. 'You've been a good boy Darien. This cabbage is for you.'
Darien grabbed it from her outstretched hand and he began to devour it.
'Darien like cabbage!!!' he howled in between mouthfuls. 'Darien like cabbage!!!'
Serena left him there eating his cabbage. She ran towards town where she continued her search for the youma.
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