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Gabriela Tridente
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1 Members
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The walls of my afflictions
by Roger Crique (Age: 51)
copyright 01-25-2006


Age Rating: 18 to 127

 
In the valleys of my mind, I see you,
standing in the way of my convictions.
Free as a bird you fly to me,
and become the sword of my vindiction.

In the valleys of my mind I see you.
You're dressed in lunar light opaque.
My arms open wide to seek you.
But oh, so deep you drive your stake.

I reach into the clouds and find you resting there.
Your sleep so sound, your breasts so bare.
The hourglass, your shape, so airy, so fair.
A violin, a cello, to you I must compare, for their strings when touched resonate in my heart.

When I kiss your womanhood; your walls come crashing down.
In your walls I weep, in your walls I drown.
And as I inject you with my passion and desire,
I receive in turn, the grace and the burning of your fire.


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01-31-2006 James Shammas    

Roger,

This is quite intense, elevating sex to rapture. I almost thought it was too much, but then realized-- at least in my view-- that this is a poem about sex, and not love, and that the word choice and syntax is appropriate to the subject.
I'm not crazy about "womanhood." It sounds almost too cliched for me; maybe a different word could be better here.
I also like the resistance that I felt in the speaker in the beginning, and how, in the end, this was overcome by nature.

Jim
01-26-2006 Brian Dickenson    

Enchanting use of language, such vivid imagery.
Also very delicately descibes the act of love in all its passion.
Well done, Brian
Visitor Reads: 239
Total Reads: 267
Comments: 2

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