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***WARNING***
***GRAPHIC AND DISTURBING IMAGES OF VIOLENCE AND ABUSE***
Shut up! Shut the *** up! You stupid ***! You are so stupid! You can't even get the *** out of the *** couch and feed your daughter! You lazy fat cow!
Daddy! NO!
Get out of my way before I smack you too! Your mother needs to learn a lesson! She was very bad today and bad girls get spankings, don't they darling.
Daddy! NO!
I said get out of my way! Now look what you made me do you stupid cow! Now your daughter is hurt, get the *** up and take care of her before I throw you both out on the street. NOW!
Mary-Anne sat stone-faced, silent, her eyes wide open, looking outwards yet seeing nothing except the memories which refused to be silenced. Over her knees crawled a large spider, yet not even a twitch was made. Darkness surrounded Mary-Anne, as she remained curled up, gone to the world and locked in the prison of her mind.
Daddy! NO!
Shut up you cow! Did you buy my whiskey? What the *** is your problem? I work hard all day and come home to this?
Daddy! NO!
Daddy loves you princess. Daddy will always take care of you. No one loves you like Daddy does. Why you little worm! OUCH! That *** hurt! You little brat! Bite me will you! I'll teach you to bite me.
Daddy! NO!
Remember, you tell anyone and I'll kill your mummy, understand princess?
Night fell swiftly upon Mary-Anne covering her, hiding her in the shadows as deeply as she was hidden within her mind. A large spider fell upon her head and crawled down her neck, yet Mary-Anne made no motions. She didn't attempt to shrug off the bug as it crawled down her shirt, her pants and finally, back onto the ground. Mary-Anne's eyes flickered quickly as the images moved faster and faster.
You little liar! You lying brat! Blaming your daddy. He is a good man and your mummy was very lucky to marry him. Your father loves you! 3 years old and already a liar. Go! Go to your room and think about what you said, there will be no ice cream for you. You better say sorry when you come out!
Daddy, I love you. Love you daddy. Love you. Love you daddy. Love you.
A loud gasp broke through the stillness of the air, causing an owl to startle into flight. Mary-Anne remained stone-faced, unmoving as the leaves on the branches fluttered loudly with the sudden departure of the large bird. As the words echoed over and over like a badly recorded record, Mary-Anne gasped deeply again, startling the mouse walking across her shoe.
Princess, come out here now! Look at your mummy. Didn't I tell you I would hurt Mummy if you told anyone? Didn't I? Why don't you listen to me? Why? Now Mummy has to be hurt. It's all your fault.
Your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault……….
Goosebumps rose up on Mary-Anne's skin…because of the cold seeping in and the dark memories pouring out. Mary-Anne began to rock, slowly at first, back and forth, then faster and faster until she almost tipped over from the steady motion.
Mary-Anne, you cannot touch Billy like that! Where did you learn that? You are only three! I'm going to talk to your parents about this. Stop hitting Sue. You won't be allowed in play school if you cannot control yourself. It's no one's fault but your own.
Your fault, your fault, your fault, your fault, it's all your fault………
I said, write that note woman! See princess, Mummy is being good and writing a nice letter to everyone telling them goodbye. She has to go away now because she was a bad mummy and you were a bad daughter. I told you what would happen if you were bad.
Take those pills! NOW! Good mummy, very good mummy. Ok, princess let's go. Mummy has to sleep now. She needs to sleep forever because she's very tired.
Daddy loves you, Princess.
I love you Daddy. Love you, Daddy. Love you.
Mummy wake up! Wake up Mummy! Wake up!
Officer, she was like this when we got home. How will I tell my little girl? How? I love my daughter. This will kill her, she's only a baby! Oh my ***!
Princess, it's your fault mummy is dead. Tell anyone and you'll never see your kitty again. Never! No one will believe you anyways.
Mary-Anne, it's hard to believe but your mummy took pills to go to heaven because her heart hurt so much. You are too little to understand. One day you will. Your daddy loves you, go with him, he'll keep you safe honey.
Oh Princess, daddy loves you so much. Come to daddy, princess. Daddy loves you.
"NO!"
Mary-Anne stood up and screamed again, "NO!"
As the words left to fly on the night air, she grabbed her skin and pulled, pinched, scratched, bit. Screaming out obscenities as she tore at her own flesh, oblivious to the pain and blood. Her head hit the trunk of a spruce tree, over and over as she continued to scream at the man who hurt her so deep. At herself for not protecting her mother. At the world for being so unfair.
"Mary-Anne! NO!" yelled Robert and Lisa at the same time, as both ran hard to stop the young child from further hurting herself. Lisa grabbed Mary-Anne in a bear hug as Mary-Anne continued to kick out and scream, not understanding she was being rescued, still trapped in her emotional prison of painful memories.
"Mary-Anne, honey, it's me, Bobby's mummy" murmured Lisa in soft gentle tones as she brought Mary-Anne down with her onto the ground, "it's okay honey, you are going to be okay. Shhh, it's going to be okay. You are safe. Safe, honey."
As Mary-Anne calmed, Lisa rocked her back and forth in a gentle calm manner. Soon, Mary-Anne leaned her head back against Lisa's chest and closed her eyes, drained of all energy. Robert stood by, protecting them both as he shot off a flare gun signaling to the others their location.
Mary-Anne never woke while the ambulance screamed it's lonesome wail, tearing through the streets to the local hospital. Nor did she let go of Lisa. Wrapped up in Lisa's arms, she was brought into the ambulance, through the emergency doors and up onto the pediatric floor. After the sedatives took affect, Lisa was finally able to remove Mary-Anne's tight grip and gain back feeling in her arms. Lisa stayed at Mary-Anne's bedside as the others talked outside the room.
In the morning, Mary-Anne was moved to the children's psychiatric unit of the city hospital. Lisa traveled in the ambulance with her as the transfer was made. Mary-Anne struck out at everyone who came near her - doctors, nurses, foster parents and social workers - except Lisa. The bond, which had been created deep in the bush, remained strong in the morning light.
Mary-Anne spent the next 3 months in the children's psychiatric unit healing from the pain of her childhood and from her own twisted sense of guilt. Bobby went once a month with his parents and visited Mary-Anne, always bringing Smarties, Cheezies and the newest cat magazine. He never really knew what to say, he usually just sat there beside her and looked out the window to the parking lot below. Still, in the silence, there was a feeling of love and strength flowing between the two children.
In the dead of night, when everyone was asleep on the ward and the nurses were watching a late night talk show in the visitor's lounge, Mary-Anne would stand at the window and vow to the moon she would seek revenge upon those who had hurt her. Her father was not on the top of that list. The nurses would have been shocked to discover who was.
© 2001, Beverley McInnis
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