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Only When His Father Died
by James Shammas (Age: 44)
copyright 02-23-2005

Age Rating: 13 to 127

Only when his father died could he
Unfold himself in the embrace of men,
Unlike him, with whom to talk above mere whisper
Would make him spit the few words he knew:
Gravel of letters strung up with hate,
Gagged, coughed up, and feebly sealed
In the dry, crusted cracks of his face;
Friday nights alone, watching his dad's cronies
Crowned by garlands of smoke, drunk over poker or whist,
The kick out the door with a shove and a kiss.

It would take thirty years to become that child;
To start over as the child in the man;
To be willing at forty to parent himself,
Balancing broadly on two tender feet,
Sliding in spaces under the cracks
Where alchemy stirs without mortar and heat.
Only whose skin? Whose dusty clay is it,
Molded and fired in that darkest of kilns?

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07-07-2006 Tammy Frascona

I love the word usage in this piece. For the age group you chose, some of the readers may need a dictionary. I was impressed though the way your point came across. I like that now you are older you choose to share your experiences and offer it to others who haven't got that far in life yet. I think you are wise and truely insightful. Thank you for the good write.

06-24-2006 Jordan Screws

Nice work here. Though it does not explicitly state such, either gender can appreciate this poem for what it is: a tale about coming to maturity. While everyone has a different path, we all eventually die. What happens in between birth and death varies from person to person, and the level of maturity we reach depends on the path we take in life.

Enough with the diatribe... you did a good job with this! Of particular note is the descriptive word choice employed here: it gives the poem life beyond mere words. The structure is also good, and there are no mechanical errors to be seen. The ending seems to have a particularly strong punch and concludes the poem on a strong note, which is good. Keep up the good work!

Jordan of the Commenting Crusaders

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Only When His Father Died by James Shammas (Age: 44) copyright 02-23-2005 Age Rating: 13 to 127

Only When His Father Died
by James Shammas (Age: 44)
copyright 02-23-2005

Age Rating: 13 to 127