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Oblivion
Chapter 4
by Leigh G. (Age: 14)
copyright 03-15-2005


Age Rating: 7 to 127

 
"Ukey... why did the the part of the island we had to go to need climbing!?" Kaco complined. We were on the rocky part of the island the stones were hard to climb. It was a straight up climb.
"Kaco does it matter?" I asked angrily.
"YES! I... hate... climbing!" She retorted.
"The only time you can talk without panting is when you are complaining Kaco!" I yelled.
"I can't help it I'm not TOM-BOY like you Ukey!"
"If only you were..." I said wishfully.
"HEY! COME BACK HERE!" She yelled angerly.
"Catch me if you can!" I pushed my body harder to get even further away from the whining Kaco.
"Ukey!"
I pulled myself up to the somewhat flat top. When I got up there I was shocked to see the gap were my Island should be. The shock was on my face. And when Kaco got up she saw my shock and looked worried.
"Look..." I trailed off.
"Hmm wow look at it...Ukey it's totally gone! It was not just not a lie to make Shenthco too look cool. I thought it was." She said blankly.
I was not listening to her as she talked about the most popular girl at school. I said,
"If Savon had been here when it was blasted he would be dead..."




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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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03-01-2006 Richard Reed Jr    

~looks for her~
~cannot find her~

So far very exciting and suspenseful. You are developing the characters nicely. SPELLING!!!
You are losing praise points because of spelling. DISCIPLINE!!!

I shiver in the darkness
Awaiting her arrival
My cheeks moistened by my tears
As a rose kissed by the dew
I cannot see her in this,
Forever-sunless charcoal world
Yet, my heart feels her presence

~walks away dejectedly~
03-25-2005 Anthony Lane Stahlhut    

It seems as though you are just trying to look like this is a book with many chapters, but you could combine all these chapters into one. Your story seems to be a good one, but you need to correct your spelling. Thanks, Anthony
Visitor Reads: 167
Total Reads: 185
Comments: 2

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