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Robert Betts
Lee Hirst
Angela Toshner
Susan Brown
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Wendi Benally
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Herself
by Angela Toshner (Age: 19)
copyright 03-25-2005


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
She's the one
who inspired me to
write.
Touch my pen
to the paper.
And let my words
flow across the page.

Shes the one
who told me not to
run.
Don't back down.
Just stand up and
fight.
For what you think is
right.
weither it is the words
you say.
Or the people no one
likes.

Now
shes the one who hides.
Afraid to fast her
past.
But maybe if she
faces the past
it will bring her
back.

She was
the girl I looked
up tp.
Always happy
never letting it
show.
Bout now she
owes.
her terrible life
to no one else,
but herself




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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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04-03-2005 Justin Mccormick    

That was nice. Remember that it's okay to write a lot, if it relates to the poem. That's my opinion. More detail can make a poem, not enough can break one.
03-26-2005 David Pekrul    

I agree with Anthony, this is the start of a very good poem. If it is from a personal experience, you may not want to give out all the information, for the sake of protecting your friend, but a little more would certainly give more meat to the poem.

Also, Anthony found one typo; there are actually a few more. The word 'weither' should be spelled 'whether'. 'Tp' should be 'to'. First line of second stanza, 'Shes' should be 'she's' also the same in second line of third stanza.
'Bout' should be 'But'.

It is always little things like wrong spelling and typos that can take away from the focus of the poem. Take a little more time, check your work well, and you will do great work.

David Pekrul
03-26-2005 Anthony Lane Stahlhut    

I think she must have done something wroug, but I'm not sure why she hides all the sudden. What does she owe her life for? This has a good start and a good ending, but something in the middle about what she has done would be nice! You have one typo, " afraid to fast her...I think you mean, Afraid to face her " Thanks, Anthony
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