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Forever and Ever
by
Jane L.
(Age: 14)
copyright 03-31-2005
Age Rating: 10 to 127
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Picture Credits:
Forever and ever.
If we're together,
I'll be happy.
Do you now understand?
I'll say it once more.
The only one that should,
be with you is me.
Look at my two eyes correctly.
I'm gonna leave that mind somewhere else.
Come here, come to me.
At first it was a weird meeting,
You made me so tired.
Just one sigh was short but,
If you apologize I'll forgive you.
I'm so glad that I met you.
Sometimes for no reason I'm mad,
There are times when I show that I'm tired.
But in the end you're on my side.
I can't let a idiot like you alone,
I have to accept you.
Forever and ever.
If we're together,
We'll be happy.
Do you understand now?
I'll say it once more.
The only one that should,
Be with you is me.
Look at my two eyes correctly.
I'm gonna leave that mind somewhere else.
Come here, come to me.
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Comments on this Article/Poem:
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02-01-2007 Leigh G.
This is a great piece! I said I'd catch up on my commenting, right? It took a a little while to figure out where I left off, but I found it! (Such a bad little procrastinator, aren't I? I haven't commented on your stuff on so long!)
This is a really great poem, I like how you repeat the chorus at the end, it gives the piece a melodic and song-like feeling. I always like poems that could be songs, I have a forever-growing collection of Japanese music (and some English music sang by Japanese singers...did you notice Japanese have a hard time with "th"? Than again, there's no "th" sound in their language!) so I like listening to my music and adding melodies to poems. My only grammar pick is the usual thing about capitals. I even submitted a story titled, "Why I'm A Capitalization Freak"! You're either thinking, "Dadadada, the wicked witch is dead!" or "At long last! This annoying citric reviles WHY she picks at capitals so much! Huzzah!" Anyway! Erm, anyway!
Great flow you've got in this piece, along with a great choice of words. I also like how you added a picture, I never seem to find anything that I think apples to my stuff so I quite admire you that you can. Than again...I'm such a citric to my stuff, it's no wonder! Great work, keep writing!
Leigh of the Commenting Crusaders!
*reads comment at bottom* That makes sense! Also, just because you're calling somebody an idiot doesn't mean you really mean it or are saying their stupid, for there are a thousand reasons to call somebody an idiot, for example I called a guy I liked an idiot for being obsessed with anime characters, I was only kidding though.
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06-18-2005 Andrew Findlay
I disagree with some of the others. I think this is a nice poem and I think you expressed it well. I enjoy poems like this that have a more abstract form. Few of my poems ever rhyme. Keep writing from your heart and don't ever worry about structure or rhyming. SOmetimes when people force their poems into a specific structure or rhyming pattern, it comes out sounding artificial. Just keep writing how YOU want to write and you will do fine!
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05-23-2005 Kristy Ahn
I think the poem needs to be a little more poetic. I get what you are saying but it doesn't seem to flow
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03-31-2005 Anthony Lane Stahlhut
I think you are talking to someone that you love? If this is true, I don't think you should ever tell someone that they are an idiot, expecally if you love them. Why make them feel less worth, because you think they are less intelligent and if you feel this way, I don't think that this is love. Your poem is a nice one except that one thing, Anthony
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03-31-2005 Jane L.
I might make this poem into a song. I originally had this song in Korean but I didn't have anything to do so I just translated it into English.
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