Running Boston!
by
James Shammas
(Age: 44)
copyright 04-22-2005
Age Rating: 7 to 127
They bussed me there from Copley Square,
Twenty thousand strong and no one spared.
I weighed my life there in the balance,
Turn and run or take up the challenge?
The horn went off with no turning back,
Propelled along with no fuel to lack.
And that sound of forty thousand feet!
The rumbling of crumbling stone streets.
But no match was I for Heartbreak Hill,
Or the searing sun that can sting and kill.
Oh, the cramping and the waving pain!
Feeling alone, so dazed and drained!
But they cheered me on at mile thirteen,
Those girls at Wellesley, so cute and clean.
The big boys, too, at Boston U,
Screaming drunk with a beer or two.
And in a fog, I passed the line,
Battered, bruised, a quivering slime.
Crazed and strained and covered in welts,
Could they fathom just how I felt?
But at that moment, I finally learned,
What all my life I always yearned:
The company of thousands and more,
Through a hundred years of Boston lore--
The John Kellys, Peter and Mike,
A dad, a priest, a husband, a wife,
Family and friends clapping their hands,
From here and there, as far as Japan.
Reaching out, I see I'm not alone,
Something larger than life is here at home.
Looking down and then looking up,
I sense that something is all of us!
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James, you have the making of a sensational poem. It meat and loaded with facts. And that was part of the problem that I became involved with because you overloaded your lines and the rhythm got ragged or fell away. The lines had great rhymes, but it was out of beat.
Your best lines were 8/4, 8 syllables to a line and 4 feet. As long as you were true to that it was great, and then you added a "but or and" and changed the line to a 9/4 or 9/5 which is out of balance. Personally I like the snappy 8/4 for the type of action rhymes you were writing, you could have used 10/5 which is iambic pentameter, which is a normal speaking gait. Do overload your lines, give the main fact, rhyming with th correct line length and you'll go places. It was a powerful topic.
What a small world...I lived less than an hour from Boston for most of my life, until moving to another state a couple of years ago. Every year I knew at least 1 person running in the marathon and they all said pretty much what you have except not in such an original way. I have even been an on-the-spot spectator on several occassions. In MA, the entire race is televised and it really is a big deal there...It was so sad when Johnny Kelley passed away this past fall, for he was Boston's Grand Old Man, beloved by everyone. It was a highlight of the race each year to see him run. Gosh you brought back so many memories with your wonderful poem and I am now feeling so homesick!
I like this a lot and like David, I feel tired and need a rest after this thought patteren. Your poem is really good, but I would like you to change around two words... in the last line of the third stanza, you wrote," Feeling alone, so drained and dazed" I think it would read a little better as,.." Feeling alone, so dazed and drained" what do you think? Anthony
I imagine this could be quite an experience. You made me tired just reading this - it had energy - and I could just see everyone working hard, straining, out of breath, tired. I think I'll sit down now and have a rest.
Welcome !
