"Coke adds life and everybody wants a little life, coke-a-cola."
Click, she shuts off the alarm clock radio. It's 6:30 p.m., time to get ready for work. She rises and stumbles her way to the bathroom. After taking a hot shower, she puts on her make-up and gets ready for the evening. She locks the door to her room and walks down the dimly lit hallway of her apartment complex.
Once outside she looks down the road. Only one set of headlights can be seen in the blurry distance. She crosses the road and raises her thumb, to hitch a ride. The car slows down and pulls over to offer a ride.
She gets in and immediately slides all the way over beside him. He is startled and offers a cigarette. He says, "Where to?" and she replies, " where ever." His cool is broken and he breaks out in a cold sweat. He tells her that he hasn't got much money, but would like to show her a good time. She says," Would you like to go to my place... for a drink?"
They park the car in front of her apartment complex. she walks towards her apartment building, her long blonde hair blowing in the wind. She reaches for, but he is already helping her through the door. They walk that same dimly lit hallway to her room. Once inside, she pours some drinks and puts on some slow music.
They sit and chat for what only seems seconds before he makes his move. She does not even attempt to stop him. They stay together for the remainder of the night. She though has something wrong with her appearance, a small discreet tear, that could only be seen by sharp eyes is there. She was thinking about a lost lover in the past, now he is gone and nothing else matters.
Later she sits alone in her room, three cool crisp hundred dollar bills in her hand and again she remembers the pain and she cries...and she cries.
In the background you can hear the faint sound of the radio,
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Nice twist at the end. I honestly did not see it coming. I'm thinking Coca Cola's dark color represents the current state of her situation. At the end, 7-UP offers to lighten her dark path with its clarity. In reality they are both sugary drinks and are bad for your health! :)
I don't know if you meant your story like this...but by sandwiching the heart of the story between two commercial jingles you have actually written a complex social allegory.
This woman,in her apathy and desire not to deal with life's conflicts, has "commercialized" a part of her life that at one time was very important and beautiful to her. She does this in an effort to make it as meaningless and painless as a soft drink ad...In the same way, some cultures(especially Western ones)have, little by little, have commercialized and trivialized important culteral events to the point that values are more easily recognized if they are rung up on a cash register....How sad is that for everyone?....That is how I read your story between the lines....good job!
Learning to hide our emotions from others is what causes us the most harm in our lives. It's a case of, I've been there and done that. Good write, Anthony.
Nancy
Could I read between the lines and read another story? Maybe. But I do not want to.
I found this story very sad. And too often true, in real life.
I'm sure I could have seen the tear and I would have talked with this sad woman. And maybe put a little bit of joy back in her.
I found this and it was from a long time ago, an assignment in writing class. We had to use commercials to write a story. This was my attempt, hope you like it, but you have to read between the lines! Anthony
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