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I think that for the dramatic and shocking reality of this piece, it deserved--or could have--been presented with a little more development. The images are there, the story is there, the actions are there, but the emotional impact of this piece could have been much greater. Short lines, especially when one or two words long, have to be chosen with care and should be chosen to make the reader hold onto each one, however painful they might be. Just some ideas to think about. It is a good subject. And you are a good writer. ^^
I liked this poem, but i think it needs more detail. it was very confusing to me, i could sort of tell the main plot; but i know comparing to your other poems that you could add more detail. this is a great start, and could become a really great poem. The poem is so sad, and makes me want to know why she killed herself (is that what happened? she cut her arm and is dying?) I really liked the last stanza, because it is so true. you can never be sure of anything- because anything could be a lie. great job! I'll be reading more of your poems!
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