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Brooke M.
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Lisa Minshull
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4 Members
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I Shall Never Know
by Brittney N. N. (Age: 17)
copyright 05-30-2005


Age Rating: 10 to 127

 
When we were together.
it was nothing but pain.
When we were apart,
it was nothing but loneliness.
When you said goodbye,
I cried for days.
When we were together,
you caused nothing but pain.
Yet with all the pain mixed with love,
what hurts me the most.
Is that I shall never know,
why you hated and treated me so.


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07-16-2005 Mika L.    

This poem is sorta sad, but i lov it, great work
06-17-2005 Roger Crique    

Brittney, some things are very hard to explain. At times, we may be with someone that makes us cry and suffer, yet at the same time, we may feel so much love for this person. I think your poem has captured that enigma extremely well. I also love the fact that you used punctuation correctly. I think your last line you may want to revise. "Is that I shall never know, "why you hated and treated me so." This is not a complete thought. He hated you but how did he treat you? We can only assume that he treated you badly. May I suggest the following sentence? "Why you hated me and treated me so cruelly?" Thanks for sharing. Don't worry about rhyming. There are no rhymes in your poem.
06-10-2005 James Shammas    

I sense the anguish here, although it would be better if perhaps you described and showed to the reader just how that anguish is manifested. Is she sobbing? Is her face red? Are her eyes wet and swollen? Is she wringing her hands? Trust that the action and description of features will convey the mood and the feeling.
06-01-2005 Shannon W.    

this was a great write its so powerful and touching. i loved it. keep up the good work! your doing great!!!!!
Visitor Reads: 374
Total Reads: 402
Comments: 4

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