The Train
by
Roger Crique
(Age: 51)
copyright 06-06-2005
Age Rating: 13 to 127
Picture Credits:
The snow has fallen,
My heart has slowed.
Images of my youth flash before me.
Such unimaginable speed.
Every frame I recognize,
Every face is known to me,
Even the ones I had forgotten, I suddenly recognize.
It all makes sense to me now!
In this vast wasteland I’m frozen,
My fare I must pay now.
A subtle voice warns me not to pay,
I struggle to make out a face.
In due time, I’ll reach my destination.
My train is leaving soon.
Previous passengers, whispering in my ear.
Their breath, freezing my soul.
I feel an urge to sit, but I’m standing between cars.
I know the way in the tunnel; I’ve played there many times.
Who shall greet me at the platform?
Who will put their arms around me and greet me yet again?
Inside this lonely car, I find my broken seat.
I bet is warmer there, not as frigid as this place.
The train is packed now; as the wheels begin to turn.
The conductor’s voice is heard; as the tickets are collected.
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I can hear the train as I read this peice. With every stanza the whistle blows, the wind gets louder, it get harder, to hear you now, Roger, don't go, please don't go, you'll never come back, hurry up, I hear, good bye, I hear, the wistle blows, I hear, don't leave me here alone. Wait, wait, where's my ticket, don't leave me!!!!!!!! lol Great write, good job, my favorite part is where you say wisper in my ear their breath, freezing my soul, oh God, I love it. Thank you
I agree with Anthony, this is a good start to a very good story. Try bringing the conclusion around to meet the beginning. The story should never end while there is more to say, and I believe that in this story there is very much more to say. I hope you will take up this challenge, as I want to see how it ends.
Remember the light at the end of the tunnel....it's a train and your on it! This is a good story, but it ended too soon. What was the voice whispering? What are the ghosts telling you or warning you about? This is a good start now write the ending and call it the station! Anthony
Welcome !
