To God, With Kisses, Lucifer
by
Debra Rose
(Age: 21)
copyright 07-25-2005
Age Rating: 13 to 127
This is assuming god went on vacation to something like Universal Vegas...and left Lucifer in charge O.o
Dear God,
I hope this finds you
in good spirits,
Just thought I'd tell you
What's been going on
Since you've been on vacation.
Vietnam was a total disaster,
and the name of Genocide
is now "Ethnic Cleansing"
As renamed by the GOP
and that organization I love
Called the UN.
There were also some awkward
mass suicides,
by some guy in Texas,
because apparently there was a
space ship,
behind Comet Bob.
Go figure.
But those don't have much attention,
as money still runs the world.
The states are fighting
the worst "dictators"
which is decided
by how much oil they sit on.
(I told you my blood in the earth
Would cause quite a stir!)
And you remember those two towers
you wanted to have built in New York?
I hope your sitting down.
Some idiot suicide bombers
crashed some planes into them.
They and a bunch of humans were killed
as well as those little bacteria
you love so much.
Imagine the surprise they got
When they died and learned
I was in charge of heaven and hell
in your absence
and I wasn't amused!
But overall, humans are still
as stupid as ever.
You never should have given
them opposable thumbs.
I TOLD you that was bad!
And whatever your plan is
I still say
You've got a sadistic sense of humor.
They're still not following your rules
So I did a few natural disasters--
some hurricanes, tsunami's, George Bush--
But it's making them judge more,
and causing them to think
they still have you
figured out.
I'll get back to you,
if any of them actually get close.
And I've officially decided,
to make a group to improve your
fashion sense.
It's inspired by a TV show,
I love so much
And I'll call it "Queer Eye
for the God Guy".
I smell a sitcom!
The last pope just died,
and the new one is calling
for reform.
It tickles me purple,
because it's such a mess.
And speaking of mess,
there's still organized religion.
Painful, isn't it?
Oh, and truly horrible!
Those hymns are getting ugly!
I wish you would have told them
to learn how to sing
before singing your praise.
It's almost as bad as
drowning an emu!
And the priests and their fetishes?
Talk about the scandal!
But I won't ruin your vacation
With such dirty news.
But I've been blamed for some bad things,
like the creation of drugs and all.
(They're up on the rise
killing more than ever.)
That's just not my forte,
You know how I like
To deceive them to kill for me
thinking its you. *Smile*
Did you know,
That worshiping me is a trend?
And the porn market is booming.
I know, you told me so,
I'll bake you a pie for that.
But those crop circles wanted
are causing QUITE a stir.
So I guess we both win!
The music is getting
a little bit entertaining.
I've enclosed some new techno
and that oriental stuff
you always enjoyed.
And also the Good Thief
has put in a list
of modern day slang terms.
You know how he is
with his love of those TV shows.
I just wish he'd stop calling
me his "Sizzle Dime Lizzle"
Just hurry back from your vacation,
I'm sick of this place
and can't wait to go
hit the slots at Universal Vegas.
Write me back soon,
and remember
to pick me up that T-shirt!
I promise not to cause
too much havoc.
With Kisses and Hugs
Lucifer!
PS-- You'll find enclosed
All the seasons of "Friends"
Jesus said
You really loved that show.
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
This is sick, pathetic, true, and funny.
Everything that anyone could hope to read. It was captivating. You are gifted, intelligent, and obviously have a great sense of humor.
Wow. This poem is so long but I couldn't' help but keep on reading it! I can't say anything about the George Bush Line, but I can say that I laughed when I read it. This was an awesome poem and I really enjoyed reading it!
Hahahaha, oh my... I am tearing up I am laughing so hard. This ia amazing....natural disasters being George Bush...teehee.. Wow, I don't think I could say enough about this....it is so Lucifer, Hugs and Kisses. -snigger- You manage to point out the issues of todays society and make it so funny at the same time, brilliant!
-heaps gold confetti and sparkles on her-
Oh this was exactly what I needed right now, thank you so very much for posting this... ^_^
-hands her more sparkly things, a rose and a shiney black cape-
Cheers!
This was great. Funny yet it got a point across. I heard someone read someting like this in washington d.c this fall so i can opnly imagine what it would be like if it was read my the author.
Angela
I'm still clapping my hands and giggling. Well, not clapping so much at the moment, I'm typing this. But I'll get back to it after I tell you just how much I love this piece. Your work can make me chuckle, cry and grimace, but this was the first to really make me laugh out loud. Universal Vegas is an adorable idea. You know what they say about Satan and that place! I love your work Debra. Thank you again for sharing this little bit of yourself with us. I want more, keep it up!
Oh golly...I am still laughing. I laughed even harder the second and third time I read this. I don't think you have to worry about offending God...He has a sense of humor, he invented sex didn't he? I called my aunt (she is a retired Catholic nun, living in a convent retirement home) and I read it to her and she laughed all the way through it, then I had to read it again so she could make sure that she hadn't missed anything. A terrific piece of humorous writing!
Debra, where the heck did you get this? You had me dying laughing! I mean, I was literally cracking up! You'll probably go to hell for this, but it is hilarious!
Welcome !
