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This poem is very well written great job! Juzt remember that even if one thinks that his end is near, there might be a turn in the road and it might go on for a while yet, you never know untill it's finished.
Brian, I agree 100% with David, you have touched many more then you know and the sad truth is you probably never will, but know this it is an honorable accomplishment a task that few individuals even attempt to achieve and many who do put far greater effort into it then what it has taken you, #ell, you managed it simply with word's and though I have never met any one here at PnP there are those of you I am so familiar with it is as if your family and you just so happen to be one of my family. Another sad thing we probably never will meet...not here anyway but I am so looking forward to THE DAY we do.
P.S. I wouldn't worry to much about the USELESS, UNNECESSARY criticism if I were you, even the greats of yesterday have THOSE critic's TODAY.
LOVED THE READ YOUR FRIEND AND FAMILY MEMBER DANIEL
Brian,
I see the effort which you have put into the form-- mainly rhyme and meter. I ask you to look back and discover the content of your poem. What is it about? Does the language you have chosen serve the purposes of the poem?
It seems to me that each stanza is built upon one or two cliches-- statements that have been made over and over again by people until they are so familiar that they lose their impact.
What fresh language and imagery can you use to deliver an emtional punch?
If you view this poem as a great race and your elationships with your friends here you certainly have won., but after you've won---or lost, then what? I think you are the realist among us!
Your poem is superb iinevery way Rhyme , rhythm. meter, metaphors. Bravo! I did like the last line.
The grim reaper doesn't bother me as much as how I meet him does!
I agree with Jean. I like the rhythm and meter, but I hate the ending (subject-wise). The realist in me knows the end is something we need to face, but I need to feel a bit more positive during my brief blip here on earth. What gives each of us meaning in the face of the brute reality portrayed in this poem? This, we all need to figure out.
it looks like you found something you are good at and that can help you make your transition but just remember, i am sure you know, everything changes, what ever your situation it will change.
If you are big you will be bigger and if you are great you will be greater. If you are not just wait and you will but if you are the greatest be careful you'll soon be the latest. So be glad you haven't won, your story has just begun. No matter how old or young. Right?
No matter where we live in life, we all wind up the same....
"Life's short and hard like a body-building elf"
I love the Bloodhound Gang. LOL
Great poem, Brian...but the faster you move...enjoy the speed. Life is great, have a blast...do what it takes to enjoy it. Even if it means running that race naked. It may be uncomfortable, but imagine the expressions from everyone else XD LMAO
Hey, I love to "race"-- three marathons as metaphors for life. Though knowing "the end" will come, makes one all the more conscious of how to spend the time in-between.
Brian...this poem is almost perfect, the rhythm and rhyming sing with harmony. The pacing has a meter that carries the reader from line to line effortlessly and it wraps up with a finish that doesn't leave one hanging waiting for an explanation...I am very impressed here....congratulations.
Does the grim reaper really win, or does he just, "take out the trash" so to speak? I have exhausted many rounds so far, but my best shot is yet to come! The end is inevitable, the date is not! Thanks, Anthony
I like the contradictions in this poem. I like the structure and for the most part, the flow is uninterrupted, except for the last stanza, where the phrase, "Never survive," stands on its own. The first three stanzas are superb. "Tilting at dragons That turn into windmills." This is a great line. "Be you princes or paupers,
Dictators or kings." You capitalized one noun and not the other two. I would change the word, "you" and would insert, "it." In your last stanza, "Is the guy with the scythe." I would remove, "guy," and insert, "one." I really like this poem, because It takes me back to the middle ages. Great job.
This would be humourous if it wasn't so sad. I'm sure if you look back, you can recall many good things and accomplishments in your life (like expressing yourself in poetry, and winning the admiration of us at P-n-P, your international family.) Besides, what are you now, 70 years old, lots of time yet. Keep in the race; we all need you here.
Welcome !
