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One day you will know
by Brian Dickenson (Age: 73)
copyright 06-22-2005


Age Rating: 13 to 127

 
I open my eyes, the car smash still playing in my brain.
I’m unhurt.
I look around.
It all looks so strange.
'Where the hell am I'? I shout:
A gentle voice replies.
'Where do you think you are'?
I look at the face behind the voice.
A gentle face. A beautiful face. A face full of torment and suffering.
A similar face to those I have seen in hundreds of old paintings.
'It can’t be'; my mind screams.
I can hardly speak.
He gives a sad smile.
'Yes, you are right'; he answers my unspoken question.
I begin to shake.
Not really knowing why, I begin to sing that old standard.
‘Rock of ages stand by me';
He raises his hand.
'Hold! Just a moment'. He says
'Wait until I throw another soul on the fire'.


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06-30-2005 Anthony Lane Stahlhut    

What I have thought would be my final destination, was always Heaven. I assumed always that was where I was going. There are plenty of politician's to fill the ground floors! This could scare someone into changing their ways. Nicely written story.
06-26-2005 David Pekrul    

You certainly have a way with short stories. I found this one absolutely intriguing. Is the character in the story in Heaven or Hell? I'd say he's in Hell, but am I sure? This really leaves the reader hanging, which is not a bad thing.
06-24-2005 Roger Crique    

Brian, this story is a bit difficult for me to analyze, but I'll give it a try. You should use quotation marks when someone speaks. In your last stanza, who is speaking, is it you or the other person? "It can’t be my mind screams." this line is ambiguous. These are little things but they add up to make your story difficult to understand. The general story line is a good one. You think you're unhurt, but the reality maybe that you are dead and don't even know it. But who is to say what reality is?
Visitor Reads: 639
Total Reads: 664
Comments: 3

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