Help Us Stop Plagiarism -
Nearly all works at PnP are original. However a few people choose to plagiarize.
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you recommend or rate the work highly...
This is getting better...The title now shows that there are two people involved in a dysfunctional relationship and the first lines correctly introduces the topic of violence as the moving force behind the poem...this is less ambiguous...I'll email you with my only other suggestions....Keep going, they say that revision is the life's blood of good poetry! ( I read that in "Best Words, Best Order")
There is not enough detail given to flesh out the strong and anguished imagery. This is more a great beginning than a completed poem, it leaves one wondering and hoping you will return and tell us more. Your title is intriguing and gives the impression of someone who instead of teaching is using their power of position to attack instead....I want more, Jim!
Jean
With very few words, you've managed to paint a very powerful picture of a wounded heart. The images are like when one views snapshots, quickly, one after the other. You selected your words carefully to construct this picture and I must say that you were very effective doing this.
"Your's lies alive," this line needs to be fixed.
Other than that, this is like a hand grenade! Great job!
Welcome !
