Are You Their?
by
Angela Toshner
(Age: 18)
copyright 07-08-2005
Age Rating: 7 to 127
There is no feelings,
Shown on your face.
Not even that hating glare,
I'd much rather face.
There is nothing there,
except the bottomless pit,
now emptied of sadness.
Just a blank expression,
and no words,
let to flow.
But yet I wonder,
Beyond those eyes,
glassy with possible tears,
and behind that no longer,
confused face,
are you still in there?
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Hey nice poem! And thanks for commenting on my poems. ^^ I love getting comments. I think this poem might be better if it was a little longer. But thats only what I think so... ^^
Your flair is the image you create, a voice that captures emotion. A natural feeling... left me in wonder, talent is hard to find, you need to repair the grammar some day. Best day out there.. Walt
Hey, just wanted to tell you to change all of your 'their's to 'there'. excep should be except. "Their is no feelings", change 'is' to are.
Create some stanzas for a more evenly organized and rhythmic flow.
"let to flow." ----> left to flow do you mean?
glasey should be glassey.
hateing should be hating.
The rhythm towards the middle sounds funny to me. I think there are too many commas.
With some edits to this poem, and a good look at how you want to present your rhythm, I think that this will be a GREAT poem. Good luck!
This is one of the hardest questions to ask, especially about a loved one. You had a few grammatical and spelling errors, but beyond that, this is an amazing work. Definitly gets a high rating from me (Send me a message when you correct a few of the errors, and I'll give you a five, I promise :) )
Welcome !
