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-1985-
Time moves forward whether we want it to or not. Time distorts memories, creates happiness where sadness once dwelled and clarity where confusion once reigned. The same held true for Bobby, his family and Mary-Anne. Life moved forward, time continued onwards and forgiveness became the common denominator in a home where a child of pain now resided.
The pictures of Tracey were placed in bedrooms away from Mary-Anne’s vision, as the mere sight of the young adult brought on anxiety attacks, which she was unable to control. Neither Lisa’s patience nor the therapist’s words were able to break through the dark mist, which surrounded Mary-Anne’s memories. Memories, which held no recollection to, the waking child of the missing youth but seemed to haunt Mary-Anne at night, in her dreams.
For the most part, Mary-Anne and Bobby lived together in harmony, fighting as siblings often do, creating a warm loving atmosphere in the home. Some nights when Mary-Anne was unable to sleep and roamed the house until dawn, Bobby wondered at their sanity for bringing the strange girl into their home. Other nights, when she lay sound asleep with innocence surrounding her young face, Bobby knew it could be no other way.
“Honey, are you OK?” Lisa asked, interrupting Bobby’s thoughts as he sat outside on the back porch staring off into the bush, “Did you and Mary-Anne have a fight?”
“Mum, do you and Dad ever wonder about Tracey? I mean, like is she cold? Hungry? Do you believe a family loves her the way we love Mary-Anne? Do you ever wonder why she doesn’t come home?” Bobby asked, struggling not to cry, “Because sometimes I wonder, if maybe I did something to make her leave.”
Lisa’s eyes welled up with tears as she sat down beside her son. Pulling him in close, she stared with him out to the bush.
“Honey, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Lisa’s voice cracked as she continued, “Your big sister loved you very much. I remember how excited she was when you were born. She always wanted a brother and you were the miracle we had all been praying for.”
Lisa continued, holding Bobby tightly and struggling to find the right words, “Tracey was 15 years old the day you were born. I remember how her friends teased her about having a pregnant mother and how that was totally not cool. She would just smile and say they were missing out on one of the most beautiful blessings from God. Your sister didn’t have one mean bone in her body. She loved and accepted everyone. I think that is where you get your strength and compassion around caring for Mary-Anne from.”
Bobby sat silent, tears flowing down, feeling very small and tiny.
“Tracey always made me laugh, mummy,” Bobby whispered, “I really miss that.”
Lisa continued, holding Bobby tightly, trying to protect him and knowing she could not, “She loved to hear your laughter. She believed that your laughter was the sound of angels. We can’t stop believing, Bobby. We have to believe that one day; they’ll find Tracey and bring her home. Honey, I don’t believe she’s living with another family because if she was, she’d come home.”
“I just don’t know where she is but I do know this. I know this to be very true. No matter where she is, Tracey wants to come home. And one day, we will find her and bring her home. I promise you that.”
Bobby broke into sobs at the final words and struggled to speak. He had so many questions and he wondered why Mary-Anne hated Tracey’s photo so much. He still couldn’t understand why Tracey wasn’t home and refused to believe that someone had hurt her. Like his mother, he didn’t want to face the reality that Tracey may have been murdered. Only his father was able to deal with the cold hard truth of Tracey’s disappearance. Bobby saw the effects on his dad after the police would leave; telling them another lead had gone cold. How his father struggled to be strong while his mother cried without breaths. There was also something else, something dark that Bobby sensed around Mary-Anne and no matter how he tried, he couldn’t find the words to tell his mother what he felt. And Bobby believed that somehow, Mary-Anne knew where his sister was.
“Honey, your sister is a beautiful person and she would be so proud of you right now. For taking on a friend who struggles as hard as Mary-Anne does. For being strong when Mary-Anne is not able to be strong. For loving, when Mary-Anne is unable to love,” Lisa’s voice cracked as the tears flowed quickly down her cheeks, “Tracey loved everyone and trusted everybody. I know that angels are protecting her now, just as they are protecting you and Mary-Anne. Believe me honey, you are never alone. And neither is your big sister.”
Bobby remained curled up against his mother, looking out at the bush and wondering what secrets the trees held. What was the wind whispering to the leaves? Were they whispering words from his sister, were they telling tales on why Mary-Anne terrorized and loved them all at the same time? What were the secrets held by the trees? Lisa held her son tight, rocking gently, lulling him into peacefulness and wondered, as Bobby, what secrets did the wind hold tight as it whispered in the night to the leaves.
© 2001
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